


BackToYou

by itsthemoralityofit



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Liam, Bottom Theo, Cheating, Drunken Kissing, F/M, Gay Sex, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Top Liam, Top Theo, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-10 23:16:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15302199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsthemoralityofit/pseuds/itsthemoralityofit
Summary: Liam Dunbar is getting married to the woman of his dreams. He's never been happier. So when he and his friends visit the local bar and he falls instantly for the attractive bar-owner, it's just a crush...right?'I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to...When I'm lying close to someone else...'- Back To You (Selena Gomez)





	1. Took You Like A Shot

**Author's Note:**

> Hello beautifuls, 
> 
> This fic is inspired by the song Back To You by Selena Gomez. Each chapter is named after the song's most poignant lyrics. 
> 
> There is a lot of smut coming. Enjoy.

The club is thumping. Thumping with music, thumping with strobe lighting, thumping with people. Liam grins and casts his eye over the swarm of dancers, euphorically convulsing and stamping before him. This is what it'll be like in two months time on his bachelor party. He can't wait. He’s entrusted it all fully to his best friend Mason and Mason’s boyfriend Corey, with the express instruction that there should be Absolutely No Strippers. And if there are one or two strippers about, there should be Absolutely No Word About It Around Hayden. Not that Hayden is anti-stripper, she’s actually pretty cool and gave her full blessing for he and his friends to get totally trashed and abysmally wasted on his last night of freedom. God he loves her. If he had to list all the things he loves about her, he wouldn’t finish this week, or even this month. She’s beautiful, smart, tough, hard-working, her hair’s nice, she always smells good…

'Get drunk and get fucked,' Mason grins in his friend's ear, hooking an arm around the shorter guy. 'We won't tell Hayden, we swear.' 

The blue-eyed man laughs and turns his head to Corey and Kira, who are already knocking shots back at the bar. He slaps Mason’s back affectionately and presses a kiss to a smooth mahogany cheek. 'No way, man; Hayden and I are solid. No ass for me tonight.' 

'Who's talking about ass? I'm thinking pussy, bro…' Mason winks. He can certainly talk the talk sometimes but he’s had the same steady boyfriend for the last ten years, with no breaks in between. Liam has learnt to take everything he says with a pinch of salt. Two pinches of salt.

Liam watches his three friends congregate at the edge of the bar counter while he is left, deserted, in the middle of the dance floor where people are grinding against him. According to the looks the three are throwing and Kira's "Nasty" face, they seem to be sizing up a potential conquest or four. Liam shakes his head fondly; he's so glad he's never had to bother with all that - no need to find a bed for the night, no wild drinking in the hopes that he’ll score, no - Jesus Christ, will these people ever stop gyrating? He can feel every single penis and breast and everything in between pushing through the cotton of his thin shirt, and while he doesn’t mind it too much he can’t stop his face scrunching in disgust as a slick of someone else’s sweat wipes off onto his bare arm. He shudders and lumbers through the wave of dancers, thinking about whether he should buy a new pair of slippers to take on honeymoon with him. 

A wry grin crosses his face as he thinks about how much older than 26 he sounds. In fact he sounds like he's ready for his pension and a cup of sugarless Horlicks. Hayden is always telling him he’s an old soul, always protecting others and leading when he doesn’t have to. He can’t help it, it’s instinct. 

'Hey, you okay there?' a voice asks when Liam finally manages to claw his way to the bar, clinging on the edge for dear life. He throws a worried glance behind him and pats down his pockets to ensure his phone and wallet are still present before finally looking up. And then he stops. There’s stubble and styled, dark hair, and the most perfect set of teeth he’s ever seen. There’s impossibly sculpted muscle clinging to a casual t shirt that looks like one of those sneaky designer things that actually cost $300, there’s height and hands, and thickly muscled thighs in tight jeans…But all Liam can see right now is eyes. Blue-green eyes looking into his.

'Er yeah, I'm good,’ Liam says easily, removing his blunt fingertips from the bar. 

'You look a little out of your element,' the man continues with a quick grin. There go those perfect teeth again. 

Liam chuckles despite himself, nodding. ‘Yeah, a little.’

’A drink might fix that. On me?’ the perfect-toothed man offers, tilting his head. 

Taken aback, Liam steps backwards some and just stares. His lips open and close as he forms nervous, voiceless words. ‘No, I’m not, I can’t,’ he gabbles, ‘I should, my fiancée…’

‘I won’t tell her if you don’t,’ the taller man winks, leaning in, and Liam hears his heart drop into his ass. He stares, wide-eyed, unable to break eye contact with that limpid gaze. Then the guy laughs, breaking the facade. ‘I’m Theo.’

Realisation dawns slowly but surely and Liam finds himself grinning. ‘As in Theo’s Bar, as in this bar?’

‘As in this bar right here,’ Theo smirks proudly, and Liam takes another unconscious step back at the sight of the guy’s cocky, self-satisfied shrug. Then another step forward. This guy is fucking magnetic. ‘Whaddaya say…?’ 

He pauses, as if Liam should butt in, and so he does with his full name.

‘Liam,’ Theo repeats in a silky tone, those eyes unmoving on the shorter man’s. ‘Drink on me?’

In a matter of moments Liam is holding a cool glass of amber liquid in his flame-hot palm, fingers sweating around it. When he glances at his friends across the bar they are watching him excitedly; Mason gives his thumbs up, Kira is making a face that reads somewhere between come-hither and yass-batch, and Corey…well. Corey is the only normal one out of these losers. Liam rolls his eyes at them and surveys the patrons to his right, judging whom he could afford to jostle and which of them might beat him to a pulp in his quest to his friends. 

‘To you?’ a voice asks, and when Liam looks he sees Theo raising a glass identical to Liam’s. He’s still leaning in, surrounding Liam without being any closer than before. 

‘You’re the one with the bar, man, to you,’ Liam says in as friendly a tone as he can. He goes to take a sip but Theo’s hand reaches out and gently seals itself around his wrist. The touch electrifies him. 

‘To both of us…doing shots,’ Theo grins. 

‘Right now?’ 

‘I’ll let you take a sip of your scotch first,’ the taller man says casually, a gleam in his eyes. Liam cannot help but laugh and he bobs his head in wary agreement. He’s not the kind of guy who does shots but there is something hypnotic about this guy. Like Liam can do or say anything. Like he can be whoever he wants and this guy would make it all true. 

They end up doing three shots, one after another, and soon enough Liam can’t seem to get a handle on his thoughts. They keep crowding together in his head and then dissolving to mush before they can leave his mouth, and for a change he laughs at his ineptitude instead of getting annoyed or embarrassed. He’s trying to tell Theo what he does for a living but he can’t get the word ‘statistical’ out right, and ‘analyst’ keeps coming up with way too many ‘L’s. He ducks his head into his elbow as he rests it on the bar, grinning at himself. When he pulls his head back up Theo is watching him with soft eyes, an amused quirk to his lips.

‘You’re cute,’ he says. He says it like it’s just a statement of fact, no two ways about it, and it makes Liam blush. He hasn’t blushed like this in a long time. 

‘You’re drunk,’ Liam tells him, cheeks hot with flattery. He sips the last bit of his drink, readying himself to go back to his friends. He can’t stay with this Theo all night, not when the guy is standing this close, looking this gorgeous - because that’s all Liam can really think to describe him. Gorgeous. It’s dangerous. He’s dangerous. 

Theo appears to consider this, gaze lifting from the shorter man to float around his surroundings, before landing back on Liam with more intensity than before. It has Liam rooted to the spot. ‘I guess you’re right. Know what else, Liam Dunbar?’ 

Liam shakes his head wordlessly. Suddenly Theo’s lips are in his ear and Liam is flushed and not a single thought exists in his tiny, tiny brain. He holds his breath.  
‘I’m about to kiss you.’

It comes swiftly, Theo dipping his head quicker than Liam can register it, and his lips are warm and soft and enveloping. The kiss is deep and slow and just the right kind of wet, and it sucks Liam in and he knows from this one kiss exactly what Theo would be like in bed. He also knows from this one kiss that despite how much alcohol he’s consumed, Theo is not drunk. Not even a little bit. 

‘I…’ Liam breathes when Theo pulls away. ‘I have a fiancée.’

‘So I heard,’ Theo smirks. But the words have an effect because he doesn’t lean in again. In fact, he straightens up and surveys Liam with amusement in his eyes - but there’s something else too. It looks a lot like regret. It makes Liam’s heart twang. ‘Congratulations.’

‘Thanks.’ Liam mutters awkwardly, unable to look at Theo now that reality has sullied the space between them. 

Liam forces himself to look up into that serious gaze once more. It’s unreadable now and Liam’s heart jumps when Theo leans in again, but this time he simply murmurs in his ear, ‘you take care of yourself, Liam Dunbar. You’re one hell of a kisser.’ 

With a final cocksure smirk, the proprietor slips into the crowd and Liam is left wondering where the hell he misplaced his sanity. He lets a groan leave his lips before hanging his head and making his way back to his friends.


	2. And Every Time We Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautifuls, 
> 
> thank you for your views, comments, kudos and bookmarks!  
> this chapter is a short one, but it sets the scene for the next which will be worth the wait (and we all know what that means)

Saturdays are Liam's favourite days. Mondays to Fridays suck because of work, and on Sundays he has to do rounds to his and Hayden's families. But Saturdays....They're all his. He likes to spend them alone. Alone. No computers, no fax machines, no telephones, no colleagues, no family. And the best part is, Hayden completely understands. Liam knows how lucky he is to have her; she is the ideal partner: understanding, affectionate, caring….She also is one of the rare types of women who didn’t make a fuss about not living together before they get married. Liam’s not a prude or anything, he just…like his space. Once they’re married it’ll be different for sure and she’ll move in here with him - he’s even cleared out half his closet, the entire bookcase, and half his bureau for her, plus the bathroom cabinet. Next weekend he’s planning to go buy her a couple of mirrors ‘cause she’s always complaining that he doesn’t have enough or that they’re not the right kind, or they’re in weird places. Not that she needs a mirror, she’s perfect. 

 

It's about 11:32am now. Well, Liam thinks so - he can't bring himself to lift his head to glance blearily at the alarm clock. He plans to sleep for another three hours at least, before lurching downstairs and playing video games until he gets sleepy again. It’s sad but he’s looking forward to eating Frosted Shreddies for breakfast or brunch or whatever the hell meal it’ll be when he eventually gets up. He normally doesn’t allow himself sugar during the week, which is another reason why Saturdays are fucking extreme. 

DUR---OOOOM. DUR----OOOOM. DURRRR----OOOOOOM

What the fuck? 

DUR----OOOM. DINK! DINK! CRASH

Liam groans loudly and violently throws back the duvet. Whoever in the ever-loving Christ is disturbing his Sunday is going to be fucking sorry.  
He peers out of his bedroom window, scratching his balls and frowning before rubbing at his eyes and glaring through the glass at three removal men pouring out from a van. 

'That's it, guys! That's everything!' a grotesquely obnoxious voice calls. 'Thanks!' 

New guy, Liam curses silently. New guy. Where does this newbie get off, calling and screaming in the middle of the night? He should have known. That ‘for rent’ sign came down over two months ago and he’s seen a total lack of estate agents roaming around lately. He first assumed that the owner decided against letting, and then forgot all about it. After all, he has a wedding to pay for and plan, and a house to ready for his impending nuptials. With a heavy sigh, Liam yanks on his sweatpants and plain v-neck t shirt from last night, and pads downstairs, only just remembering to put on his shoes before he leaves. 

He thumps on the open door with a fist, using more force than is strictly necessary. 

‘Hello?’ Liam demands

He leans to the right to see further into the open doorway and raises his voice. ‘Hello?’

He grits his teeth, irritation rising. ‘Hello,’ he spits out. He vaguely hears the sound of footsteps and stands back, folding his arms across his chest. He has a whole mouthful to say to this asshole and he squares up to say them, but as soon as the asshole in question appears the words die in his throat.  

Intense blue-green eyes catch his, knocking all breath from his lungs.

There is a pregnant pause, and then

‘Liam Dunbar,’ the man says softly. His lips are curved into a slight smile but his eyes are serious. He is even better looking in the daylight, and a completely different species to the one Liam has deformed him into in his memory.

‘Hey,’ Liam says about a minute after it’s socially acceptable. He passes a hand through his hair so that it stands on end even worse than it already is and grabs the nape of his neck. ‘I…live next door.’ 

Theo’s eyes widen for a second and Liam is pretty sure he sees surprise, disbelief, and pleasure flicker across the man’s features before settling into neutrality once more. 

’And you’ve come to lend me a cup of sugar,’ Theo says silkily. The way he says ‘sugar’ does not sound like he means white confectioned grains. 

‘Um no,’ Liam says awkwardly. He takes a breath and gathers his courage best he can while he tries his damnedest not to stare at those perfect teeth and blossom-pink lips. He knows what they feel like. The thought compresses his insides. ‘I actually came to ask if you could keep it…down.’ But he loses conviction with every word he manages to force out because now there’s no point - now he knows who’s next door he’s never going to sleep again. ‘But…’

Theo’s lips part, head tilting in understanding. ‘I’m being too noisy,’ he drawls. There’s nothing suggestive about the way he says it but those indecent pink lips make everything he says run riot in Liam’s head and now all he can think of is how noisy Theo would be in bed. Theo’s eyes are serious despite the smirk forming on his face as he says, ‘my apologies. I’ll try to keep it down.’ 

Liam doesn’t know what to say for a moment. He has been stripped completely naked by that relentless gaze; not once in their entire exchange did it drop his for a second. Then he murmurs his thanks and turns to go back into his own house, feeling slightly punch-drunk. He can feel those eyes searing him as he goes. 

 

        *           *         *

 

Theo goes into his house and stares at the wall of his living room. The wall that separates him and Liam. Twenty-seven is a little young to own a bar, but it used to be his fathers and it only took a little loan and a lot of work to turn it into what it is today. It makes a decent amount of money. And Theo’s travelled a little too. He’s seen a lot of Asia, and he done a few places in Europe, like Belgium and England and Portugal. He doesn’t read too much but he likes to watch serious shit on TV like documentaries and stuff that’s based on real life. So, sure, he’s seen a pretty fair amount and done some stuff with the years he’s had so far. And he knows without a doubt that Liam Dunbar is the most beautiful man he has ever seen in his life.


	3. Every single word builds up to this moment

Liam used to be a lot more of a rule breaker when he was younger. He used to run head-first into whatever was in front of him and come hell or high water he’d find a way out of it. Impulsive is what his parents used to call it. He grew out of it soon after he met Hayden and now he kinda likes rules. Well, not likes, but he can definitely see the need for them and he does his best to toe the line. It really isn’t worth the consequences of what comes after he doesn’t abide by them - whatever the rule may be. 

So when Liam Dunbar, repentant and redeemed follower of rules, find himself twitching and itching to break every single rule he knows, it scares him.   
Rule number one is that Saturdays are for himself, and no one is allowed to contact him or see him on Saturdays. Rule number two is that he is engaged, and that isn’t so much of a rule - it’s more a statement of fact that means that from the moment he slipped the ring on Hayden’s pretty third finger, he wis not to look at anyone who isn’t her, not even sideways. So the rule is that his thoughts are not supposed to keep drifting to someone else - especially when that someone else is what he can only describe as a man so gorgeous he almost cannot bear to look at him. 

It follows, then, that the final rule is to Stay Away From This Man. 

Liam has never been great at following the rules.

‘Hey,’ he says awkwardly, smiling as best he can. He has his hands in his pockets and he can feel himself shrinking beneath a cool blue-green gaze. Theo answered on the second rap of Liam’s knuckles on the front door and is now looming over him. He’s only maybe two inches taller but right now he seems impossibly tall. ‘I thought I’d come by and…apologise. I think I might have been rude earlier, you know, telling you to keep it down instead of saying welcome to the neighbourhood.’ He’s rambling but fuck it, it’s out there now. ‘So…welcome.’

There is a pause that feels forever-long. Then Theo smiles - a real smile this time - and unfolds those thick arms. ‘Thanks,’ he replies. ‘You wanna come in? I’ve unpacked just enough stuff to pour a drink.’

When Liam accepts and follows him to the house Theo grows self-conscious of every little move he makes. He has never been a nervous man but now he can’t seem to remember how to put one foot in front of the other and he’s terrified of tripping over his own feet. They are silent until they reach the kitchen, except for Theo telling the shorter man casually to mind the boxes of shit everywhere, and he breathes a sigh of relief when he mounts a kitchen stool without incident. 

‘Name your poison,’ he says to Liam.

‘Um…whatever you’re having I guess,’ with a shrug and to Theo it’s more graceful than a ballerina’s pirouette. 

They clink a measure of whiskey in green tumblers and Theo simply watches Liam take a sip. His astoundingly blue eyes are focussed on the liquid in the glass as full red lips kiss the rim. He tilts his head as he swallows and that strong jawline makes Theo’s insides quake. He averts his gaze and sips his own drink. Then he asks what Liam does and when the shorter man looks at him Theo tugs inside. It’s those eyes again, the way they’re framed by thick chestnut lashes the same colour as his hair. It’s his hair and the dishevelled height of it, how strands stand on end of their own accord. It looks soft and Theo’s fingers long to rake through it just once. 

They discuss Theo’s bar and how long he’s had it (18 months in August, Theo says proudly), where he lived before this and that he had dropped out of college after a year to devote his time to what was then his father’s bar. They talk about Liam’s job and the fact that he works for a diaper company, and how long he has lived next door. And then they talk about their hometowns, the types of movies they like, the cat that wandered across Theo’s backyard this morning. They drink another couple of measures.

‘Poor bastard probably got caught in the weeds,’ Theo says without much sympathy. He glances back at the garden and when his eyes land back on Liam the analyst is rooted to the spot.   
‘You should hire someone to help you clear it out,’ Liam recommends. The yard is chaotic and overrun, barely any space to walk let alone anything else, which is a shame because it could pretty nice. There is enough room for a bench swing and a few flower beds, maybe even a little gazebo if he really wants. Somehow he doubts Theo is the kind of guy who would. 

‘I’ll do it myself once I’m a little more organised,’ Theo replies, and Liam doesn’t quite know what to say so he says nothing a little more and lets Theo pour them a little more whiskey. 

‘You green-fingered?’ Liam asks, for something to say.

Theo fixes him with a strange look and Liam shrinks. He sips from his drink for something to do. 

‘No,’ the bar-owner says slowly, ‘but I can probably handle a couple weeds.’ 

‘You gonna plant any flowers or anything?’

‘Do I look the type for flowers?’

‘Anything’s possible,’ Liam says quietly, but then Theo grins and it heartens him. That grin is magnificent. ‘Okay well if not flowers then what?’

Theo shrugs his well-rounded shoulders. ‘I don’t know, just not flowers.’

‘You a vegetable patch kind of guy?’ 

This gets him a bark of laughter and he laughs too. 

‘Probably not,’ Theo answers. 

‘You could probably fit a gazebo in there. Think you’d want a gazebo?’ Liam asks. A shake of a head. ‘Or a shed? Would you want a shed?’

That smirk is back, playing on Theo’s pretty pink mouth. His eyes are glinting. ‘You always ask this many questions?’ 

Liam dies inside. He can actually feel his insides folding over and curling into themselves as he disintegrates in embarrassment because why can he never just be cool? Why can he never just be normal and talk a normal amount and not be annoying? And the worst part is that he knows already he’ll be playing this over and over in his head tonight, reliving the whole damn thing. He is never drinking again. He’s never leaving his house again, he’s never talking to Theo again.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbles, flushing. He runs a distracted hand through his hair and thinks of all the things he could say to get him out of here and back in the safety of his own house.

‘No need for sorry,’ Theo says easily, but then when he speaks again his tone drops. ‘It’s just…’  
Suddenly Liam feels fingertips gently pressing against his cheek, turning it towards Theo so they are eye to eye. Theo’s blue-green has darkened and now he is not even looking Liam in the eye, he’s focussed on Liam’s mouth. Liam’s heart flips. He knows what is coming. He needs to run. He needs to push Theo’s fingers from his face and tell him to stop, he’s engaged, her name is…her name…she…

‘…I can think of a better use for that mouth of yours.’

The kiss is slow and soft. It unravels Liam in infinite tiny ways that all amount to the same and his head spins at the thought that right now he is being kissed by the most beautiful man in the world. His fingertips turn traitor and pull Theo in by his t-shirt front, and when one large hand finds the small of Liam’s back and the other the hollows of his face, he could almost swear he is limbless. Nothing exists but Theo. Liam is engulfed, entranced, emboldened - and it makes him run a palm lightly down the sinews in Theo’s lean torso, stopping just short of his jeans’ waistband. The contact makes Theo’s mouth press harder into his, tongue licking a line along Liam’s lips and parting them as if by magic. When their tongues meet and Liam licks into the soft wetness Theo tastes like whiskey and euphoria. An uncontrolled whimper trips out of Liam’s mouth, and it flips a switch within Theo. It makes him bite down on Liam’s lower lip and then suck gently over it to soothe it, and Liam can’t tell if it’s the sensation or if it’s the knowledge of those perfect teeth biting down on his flesh that hardens him beyond belief. He has already been semi-hard since the minute he walked in and now it presses into Theo’s hip as the bar-owner clutches him closer. Theo’s own hardness presses into the space between Liam’s thigh and hip. 

Fuck, he has never wanted anything more in his life. 

Brain completely shut off, Liam’s hand slides further down, past Theo’s Apollo’s belt, and without a single thought the shorter man runs his palm along the hardness in Theo’s jeans, making the man hiss into his mouth. A hand seizes his wrist and Liam prises his eyes open, suddenly taken aback and scared. But when he looks at Theo his eyes are still closed, a small smile on his lips as they ghost over Liam’s. 

‘Don’t start something you can’t finish, Liam,’ he breathes. 

Maybe it’s his name in Theo’s mouth. Maybe it’s the smile on his pretty lips. Maybe it’s the way his fingertips are pressing down into Liam’s back in desperation, or maybe it’s none of those things that makes Liam kiss Theo as hard as he can, revelling in the grunt that leaks into his mouth from Theo’s. It’s like a light has been switched on and Theo tugs at Liam’s shirt, pulls at his belt and jeans impatiently, making the shorter man laugh at his eagerness. Theo grins against his mouth before pulling away to throw off his t-shirt and Liam’s mouth drops open at the sight of him. Somehow someone has breathed life into Adonis, and Liam is standing here in the middle of a half-unpacked kitchen, looking at him. He has never seen anyone so goddamn perfect. 

Theo usually smirks and preens a little at this point, because he’s used to it. Guys, girls, he always gets this reaction - and he expects it. It’s why he puts so many hours in at the gym; the raking over, the dilating pupils, the ‘holy fuck you’re hot.’ In all honesty what gets Theo off is not the other person, in fact, he barely ever looks at them - it’s how sexy he feels, how desirable they make him feel that gets him coming every time. But now he’s standing here in his kitchen, in front of Liam Dunbar the statistical analyst for a diaper company and…Theo cannot think. In place of thought there is a steady, serene blankness that comes from knowing that for as long as he lives, he will never encounter anything this beautiful ever again. His gaze begins at Liam’s symmetrical, strong-jawed face and his lips that are so pouty and red they should be described as a whore’s mouth, and those arresting blue eyes. So limpid and without bottom. Then it travels down the curve of his neck and Adam’s apple, and the line of his clavicles, the sprinkling of hair on his defined upper chest like icing sugar, the muscles of his stomach. The line of his pelvis juts like an arrow, and a soft dusting of more sugar invites Theo’s eyes to halt before he can take in Liam’s thighs. His cock is fucking gorgeous. Of course it is. It’s about as long as Theo’s but so thick and curved to the right a little, and flushed almost the same red as Liam’s mouth, head shiny with anticipation. Theo bites down on his lower lip as hard as he can, temperature soaring at the thought of sitting on it. 

‘Sit on the table,’ Theo says, voice hoarse with desire. He barely waits for Liam to comply before straddling him and hungrily kissing that mouth. There are so many ideas, so many things he wants to do, flitting around his mind. He wants to put that cock in his mouth, wants to ask for Liam’s tongue on his rim, wants Liam to slide his dick against Theo’s ass just to see if he can make Theo come without even fucking him…Not yet. There will be time for that later, Theo tells himself. His cock brushes against Liam’s at the same time that Liam’s hands grip the curve of his ass and he moans, pushing his hips for more contact.

Liam’s heart is racing. He has never seen such a beautiful man in his life, has not thought about being with a man since his second year of college that time he and Hayden had spent a month broken up, and now Adonis sits in his lap, rubbing himself against Liam and sighing into his mouth when Liam squeezes the cheeks of his obscenely thick, muscular ass. Liam alternates between kneading it and running his fingers along it, and lets himself slide a finger down the cleft, thrilled at the smoothness there. Theo barely has any hair on him - just the faintest patch at his cock’s base and the tiniest sprinkling leading down from his belly, and Liam loves it. He loves the noise that leaves Theo’s mouth when his fingertips gently graze his hole as he strokes around it. 

‘There’s…mmm.’ Theo cannot concentrate long enough to say the words while Liam caresses his cleft and rim. His hand clutches Liam’s nape, the other resting on that sugared chest, eyes closed in want. ‘There’s condoms and lube in that box over there.’ 

It takes them a while to part, kissing and sighing instead, but Theo grows desperate and somehow he finds the will to leave Liam for just long enough to lift three boxes and root around in two, cock aching in frustration. He barely battles the panic that sets in as he rifles through box two. He knows Liam is standing behind him now and he’s terrified this pause will change his mind. When he turns around again, lube in hand, he is almost dizzy with relief when he sees Liam still nude, watching him with heavy-lidded eyes. His cock is still hard and flushed red. 

When Liam sits back down on the table and beckons to Theo with his hand, Theo’s insides twist and he has to force himself not to run to him. 

Liam wastes no time rolling on the condom and slicking up his fingers, rubbing lube along Theo’s rim and kissing the man as he teases him. When Theo mewls into his mouth, fed up with teasing, Liam grins and Theo wants to lick it off his face. 

‘You ready?’ Liam asks softly, kissing the firm muscle of Theo’s left pec. Theo nods wordlessly, shifting his hips to try and get Liam to move faster.

Liam’s finger is not met with much resistance when he slides it in slowly, and he knows exactly why. The thought of Theo finger-fucking himself - or better yet, fucking himself with toys - makes his cock leak. This guy is the sexiest thing Liam has ever come across. He pumps a couple of times, just teasing, and Theo moans at the sensation. Liam stares at the man before him, hypnotised at the sight of a brow furrowed in desire, and parted pink lips forming voiceless pleas. Liam is going to turn that pretty pink dirty red. 

Theo lets out a filthy moan when Liam bites down hard on his lips, cock twitching.

‘Liam,’ he rasps, ghosting his lips over the man’s earlobe. Liam shivers beneath him. ‘Come on…fuck me baby.’ 

But he doesn’t, and Theo has to move his wrist away so he can position himself. If he doesn’t feel Liam inside him now he’ll die - he is sure of it. And then he takes that thick cock in his hand, almost weak with desperation, and puts it at his entrance. 

Both men groan at first breach, and Liam does not touch Theo at all until he is completely seated, pausing to allow himself to adjust. Liam is glad for it. Theo is so hot and tight he is in danger of coming in two moves. 

‘You okay?’ Liam asks softly, and the look Theo gives him makes him sigh aloud. It’s soft and clear and laden with the meaning of everything Liam knows but would never ever say. He runs his hands over Theo’s back soothingly, and freezes when Theo begins to move. 

He’s not like Hayden, or the one other lover Liam has ever had. Theo is intense. His gaze barely leaves Liam’s with every time he brings himself up and then lowers himself on Liam’s cock, forcing Liam to watch, hypnotised. He begins slow and shallow, barely rising and sitting as he watches Liam’s reactions, hips shifting ever so slightly in arcs. It’s like he is daring Liam to look away; daring Liam to want anything in the world more.  
And then, without warning, Theo brings himself up and slams himself down, and Liam cries out in surprise and pleasure. He grabs at Theo’s smooth skin, scrabbling for purchase and something to ground himself as Theo begins to bounce relentlessly, taking him deep and fast. 

Theo grunts with effort as he pulls off as slowly as he can and rams himself back down, thighs squeezing around his partner. Liam’s cock is so thick it fills him deliciously, but he can’t seem to get the angle right as he bounces, so he slows down. Grinds right the way down so Liam is completely inside him, not even the base on show, and puts his palms on the nape of the man’s neck, forces him to look up. His lips are blood-red and kiss-swollen, and Theo holds him frozen in place with his eyes as he moves his hips again, this time pushing instead of grinding - and he gasps. There it is. Pleasure sparks as he shunts his hips again and again, and then begins rolling them, never losing the angle he’s finally found. 

Liam moans at the sensation as Theo rides him and holds him close. His arms go around Theo’s sculpted body just loosely enough to allow him to move as he grinds but it’s still not close enough. Nothing will ever be close enough. He litters open-mouthed kisses to Theo’s ear and face as the man’s head comes to rest weakly on Liam’s shoulder, pleasure softening his bones. Their breaths are gasps and pants, filling the kitchen as they move together, mewling and moaning and pulling and grabbing at sweat-sticky skin. 

Liam knows he is not going to last. He was a dead man at first contact and now he is approaching his finish with alarming speed. He unwraps one set of fingers from the roundness of Theo’s deltoid and places them instead around that pretty pink cock that is now weeping, so pretty Liam wants to put it in his mouth and find out if it tastes as good as it looks. The sensation of Liam’s strokes makes Theo whine as he moves, and now he’s moaning, now he’s cussing and it’s the best thing Liam has ever fucking heard. It’s pushing Liam towards the edge with indecent speed but he hangs on, desperate to last a little longer just to hear Theo moan. The man’s blue-green irises are barely visible as they never move from Liam’s, not even once, pupils blown wide. That intense, relentless gaze is heightening the entire experience and Liam knows when he comes he will surely die. 

‘Fuck,’ Theo pants, brow furrowing. His eyes finally leave Liam’s as they flutter closed. ‘I…shit…’

Theo is almost silent when he comes. All Liam hears is a stuttered breath caught in the gorgeous column of his tanned throat, an exhale. Fingers grab at Liam’s nape and shoulder and Theo spills all over Liam's stomach and fingers, a little on his chest. He is trembling following his release, riding out the aftershocks before Liam’s balls tighten in warning and his entire body shudders, and he puts his face in Theo’s neck. 

‘Ah, ah,’ Liam grunts when he comes, entire body spasming as Theo continues grinding on him, emptying him completely. He is left shaking and weak, a fine sheen of sweat gleaming on his skin. 

They sit for a moment, panting, holding each other. 

‘Fuck,’ Liam says breathlessly. He hears Theo chuckle softly before he looks up and puts those eyes on Liam once more. Like magic they lock Liam in place and wipe all thoughts of letting go of Theo and cleaning himself up and going home. The smile that was on his face at the sound of Theo’s laugh fades as blue meets navy and he cannot stop himself counting the green and yellow flecks in Theo’s eyes. 

It is in this moment that Liam Dunbar realises he will never be able to look away ever again.


	4. i gotta convince myself i don’t want it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what tends to happen is that I sit at my desk working those spreadsheets like a stripper works a pole, and then I get emails alerting me of kudos and comments and it just makes my entire day
> 
>  
> 
> thanks, beautifuls

Liam stands at the window of his study and watches perfection walk to and fro the garden next door, tugging a black trash bag. He's gardening, Perfection is, or at least he’s tidying up the mess that is his backyard. It’s warm today so Perfection's golden skin is gleaming beneath his flimsy blue vest and he keeps stopping to drag a hand over his perspiring forehead. He’s wearing a black snapback but backwards and he looks delicious. The muscles ripple in his back and shoulders as he moves and really it should be a crime to be so magnificent. Watching him is like watching Adonis come to life. He rips weeds from the ground with merciless twists of his wrists and turns his chiseled torso to shove them roughly in the bag before bending over to rip out more. When he bends, Liam moans softly under his breath because fuck, that ass is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. It’s thick and a perfect circle, atop strong, powerful thighs. Liam pauses in buttoning up his shirt for work. His cock is hard. He promises himself he’ll do something about it tonight, once he’s back from work and begins to dress once more.

Then Theo tosses his trashbag of weeds to one side and removes his vest with a single slick movement, tucks it into the back of his shorts. Liam bites hard into his lower lip. Now his cock is throbbing, threatening to evolve into an ache if he doesn’t attend to it right now. He has a little time before he has to leave, and he figures he can just grab some coffee at work. So he slowly unzips his pants and reaches into his boxers, hissing at first contact. He is hypnotised as he watches Theo work, unblinking as he touches himself and allows himself to feast on the body before him. 

The best part, Liam thinks as he tugs at himself, breath quickening, is when Theo is laid out on the bed in all his glory. That pretty cock on display amidst a backdrop of smooth, tanned skin and unparalleled muscle. The second best thing is when he’s moaning and cussing like a whore and clenching around Liam’s cock, like he was last night, sinking his perfect teeth into his lower lip. And the third best thing? Well that's probably the face he makes when he comes, brow furrowed like he’s in pain, indecently pink mouth open and kiss-swollen.  
Theo in his backyard suddenly turns around and Liam has no idea how he knew to look here, but he does and those intense eyes are zeroed in on him as he stands there in his bedroom, cock out. Heart racing, Liam colours. Fuck. What if Theo thinks he’s a pervert? Fuck fuck fuck

But then he sees a smirk unravel across Theo’s face and the older man’s hand dips into his waistband. Liam’s mouth falls open. Anyone could be watching right now, Theo is standing in the middle of his backyard with the whole world looking in and now his cock is out and he’s stroking it lazily. Not once does he take his eyes off of Liam. The idea of the neighbours seeing Theo touching himself somehow heightens Liam’s pleasure, turning him on to know that they may be watching Theo but Theo is looking nowhere but right here. He can see Theo’s eyes flickering with every twist of his wrist, is he copying his movements? Oh god he’s copying every movement, every swipe of a thumb across his cock-head. Liam moans, leaning a palm against the window for support and his knees weaken. Theo’s eyes close for a moment, lips parted as he cups his balls and Liam can tell he’s now stroking his taint - right where Liam’s tongue was last night. 

The only thought Liam has when he comes, splattering onto the window, eyes never leaving the man below him, is ‘beautiful.’ 

 

As he stands there in the aftershocks of release he watches Theo bite his lip and then smirk before slipping his hard cock back into his shorts and sauntering back into his house. Liam groans in despair and leans his head against cool glass. Most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his life. 

 

*

‘Li-Li,’ a voice calls out. 

Liam glances up and smiles slightly when he sees Hayden running towards him from the curb. He's picking her up from work even though the restaurant is only two blocks away and they're walking it. She leaps onto him and grabs him tightly, kissing his neck. He whirls her around, inhaling her soft floral scent. She has always smelled amazing, like home and safety and sweetness. When he puts her down he plants three smacking kisses to her neck and she laughs, batting him off.

‘Hey, sweetheart,' he finally says, smiling at her. She is radiant today. He slips an arm around her waist and they walk comfortably, in step with each other.  
‘Know how I know we’re good for each other?’

‘How?’ Hayden asks, rolling her eyes but grinning too. It’s an old joke, he says it all the time. 

‘We’re in step,’ Liam beams, indicating their feet. Hayden huffs in mock-irritation but then she laughs and kisses his hand. 

 

When they arrive at the restaurant, Mason, Corey and Kira are already seated at a table, looking thoroughly miserable. They are clearly feeling rough from last night and Liam pushes away the feeling of glee bubbling inside him that he was not involved in their debauchery. 

‘Rough night?’ Liam asks cheerfully. He nods his thanks to the waiter who fills up his water glass, then takes a sip immediately. It’s a pretty warm day, even for July. 

‘You could say that,’ Mason says tersely, rubbing his lower face. ‘You could also say that we got fucked at Theo’s last night.’

At this, Liam chokes on his gulp of water, spluttering everywhere. He knows he is bright red, coughing desperately and loosening his tie. Jesus, get a hold of yourself, he reprimands silently, Theo’s the bar, the bar that belongs to Theo. Jesus.

He gives Hayden a grateful smile as she pats him too gently on the back to do anything, and removes his suit jacket and tie. 

‘You alright?’ Mason asks slowly, but Liam bats off the question and gestures to Hayden to take the floor.

Their wedding is going to take place at the old art centre that had recently been renovated into a contemporary museum for modern artists. The bridesmaids will wear peach and groomsmen (and Kira) charcoal grey. They’ve decided against dessert in order to cut costs and opt for an open bar instead, but they figure wedding cake is a good enough dessert, right? Or at least the bar will compensate. 

Of course the bar will compensate and you know, most people don’t even eat dessert anyway? Sure, Mason will write a speech, and no Hayden does not want to check it over, she trusts him completely - is he going to tell the story of how Liam punched her in 6th grade? Because he can’t not tell that story, it’s a total classic! Shut up Liam, it’s a funny story, you can’t still be embarrassed by it… 

And so it goes. A bottle of wine and four entrees later, the group is up to speed and they break up to go home. Liam’s head is spinning with all the details. He said he would write his vows this weekend but if he’s honest, he’s not up for it. Lately the idea has been freaking him out. Vows are such a serious thing - say the wrong thing and you shit all over the wedding. And it’s not just the vows. Marriage is a big deal. He’s always known that and he thought long and hard before he asked Hayden to marry him two years ago - everyone told them they were too young, but what’s age when you’re in love? Turns out, age is kind of a thing because right now Liam feels young. Way young. Sometimes he lies in bed and thinks about all the days he’ll be married and how they’ll total way higher than all the days he hasn’t been married, and before the idea used to fill him with anxiety because the next 60 years would not be enough. How could 60 years be enough for all the ways he loved Hayden? How could he show them and prove them all in only 60 years?

Only now 60 years sounds like a really long time, and maybe they have rushed into things? Liam does not want to choose his tux. Nor does he want to finalise the napkin colours or bouquet flavour or whatever else they need to do in these final six weeks before the wedding. 

It’s cold feet. It must be cold feet. It will go away soon. He is sure of it.

 

*

 

'You're up late,' a husky voice says as he passes, about to turn into his drive. 

Liam looks up and instantly his shoulders relax when he sees a familiar muscled frame standing in the doorway next to his. He stops walking and smiles.

‘Stats particularly stubborn tonight?’ Theo asks conversationally. He has his arms folded, making his chest and arms look thick enough to bite. The idea curls down Liam’s spine. 

‘Something like that,’ the younger man says. His voice is carefully even. ‘I thought you’d be at work now.’

Theo says nothing, simply shrugs at the question. His eyes bore into Liam’s for what feels like an ice age but Liam cannot bring himself to move or say anything. He is hypnotised. 

Finally Theo smirks. It makes the blood rush to Liam’s cock. 

‘Do I have to invite you in?’ he asks softly. His voice somehow manages to glitter with danger. 

‘Only if you want to,’ Liam replies, pulse jumping. 

There’s a pause, then Theo says with a tone like velvet, ‘come on in.’ 

Liam almost sprints.


	5. I wanna hold you

'Scott, for the last time: Stiles is not coming to the VIP opening of the VIP booth of my VIP bar,' Theo says slowly and clearly into his cell phone. 'Because I am not talking to him. What do you mean, why? He said my bar is - ' 

He checks his reflection in the mirror although he knows he's not going anywhere until around midnight, and walks along the hallway. He likes walking when he's on the phone; it helps him think. He treads softly to the staircase and rolls his eyes. 

'Scott. Unless he apologises, he's not invited. I mean...No. Abso - whose side are you even on? Pussy. Ok, see you at twelve. Bye.' 

Theo grins, fully intending to call Stiles and hurl good-natured abuse at him, and turns around.

'JESUS CHRIST!'   
His heart stops as a blurred figure leans up against the clear glass window of his front door. The person's not even trying to look inside; they're just leaning their forehead there, as though they've just run a mile. He can just about make out chestnut-brown spikes of hair and a strong-jawed, symmetrical bone structure. His heart soars and a smile threatens to break his face. It’s him. 

Theo takes a breath to compose himself, then goes over to the door and raps two fingers against the glass so Liam knows he's there before opening the door. 

'There's a doorbell, you know,' he smirks, cocking his head. 

'Yeah, sorry,' Liam replies. 'I didn't mean to scare you.' 

Theo doesn’t respond - everything he can think to say is either cliche or boring, so he doesn’t say anything. Instead he says as casually as he can, ‘You coming in?’

They take their regular seats at the kitchen counter and Theo pushes away thoughts of what happened at this counter a week ago. Liam is clearly upset, or at least distracted, and Theo is careful. He doesn’t want to make him feel awkward or tense. Really what he would like is to become Liam’s safe space, somewhere Liam could find safety and solitude. He doesn’t say any of this, instead he brings out two mugs and flicks on the coffee machine, asks Liam’s preference and hands him his choice when the machine is finished whirring. 

When he takes the mug his hands shake and Theo puts a hand to it. ‘You okay?’ he asks. 

‘Yeah,’ Liam says quickly, but his tone is unconvincingly and he cannot meet Theo’s eyes. Theo watches the younger man flex his hand as if stretching an old injury, making a fist and releasing it, then making a fist again. It’s his attempt to stop himself shaking. ‘I think I’m feverish. Coming down with something.’

He’s lying but Theo says nothing. It’s not his place - besides, he doesn’t want Liam to think he is interrogating him. Instead he sits on the stool beside him and watches the object of his affections. Those amazing blue eyes are clouded, dimmer than usual, and his skin is tired. Violet bags stretch from his dark lower lashes to practically halfway down his cheek and Theo wants to hold him close and put him to sleep right now. He wants to protect him, keep him safe from everything. He sips coffee and searches for something to say. 

‘So I -‘

‘The wedding -‘

The pair break off, chuckling in embarrassment, gesturing for the other to go on. Theo wins and he listens carefully to every word that comes out of those rose-red lips. 

‘The wedding,’ Liam says, voice measured and even, ‘is in a few weeks time. Three weeks, to be exact.’

For a moment Theo says and does nothing. Then he nods. He’s not a complete moron, he’s always had it in the back of his mind that Liam is engaged. That as much time as they spend together just lying there after sex, gazing at one another and tracing each other’s features with the tips of their fingers, Liam is not his. He has been waiting with bated breath for what he just knows is coming because how could he not know this is coming? But honestly he really didn’t think it would be, and it makes him want to punch himself. It’s what he gets for fucking with a married man, and even though this all started as a little crush, a little bit of interest in a good-looking guy, the anticipation of what is coming has Theo’s chest compressed painfully. He wants to cry. He doesn’t. You cannot cry over what was never yours. 

‘And I’ve been thinking…’ Liam continues.

‘That makes a change,’ Theo interjects humorously, then immediately apologies. Liam continues as if Theo hasn’t spoken and it’s clear he’s rehearsed this.

‘I’ve been thinking that…I don’t know how appropriate it is for a married man to be…hanging around with you…the way we are.’ 

Somehow the anticipation of what was coming was worse than actually hearing it for himself and having the words out in the open isn’t actually too bad. Theo is kind of numb to it all, like he’s watching though a lens. It’s how he is able to nod slowly and ask, as stupid as it sounds,

‘Dumb question but…did I…? Did I do something wrong?’ 

This whole thing has been fucking wrong, you moron, Theo would not be surprised if Liam shouts at him, and he would not be out of line for doing so. But it’s Liam, it’s his Liam, the one who watches him enter a room with soft eyes and remembers every little word he says. His Liam who asks him patiently about his weekend, teases him about his obsessive gym habit. So his Liam takes all that and somehow converts it into him saying,

‘No, no it’s not you, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s me.’ He pauses, runs a hand through his hair that is much longer now and crazily on end. ‘I just don’t know if I can keep hanging out with you with the possibility of…feelings…developing.’

As if they have not developed already. 

‘But we can be friends,’ Theo says, clutching at fucking straws because oh god please don’t say this is it. Don’t say I can’t see you, I think I’ll die if you stop putting those eyes on me. ‘And if we are then…friends don’t have feelings for friends so…’

‘You’re speaking for yourself, right?’ Liam says almost humourously. 

There is a long silence. There’s so much in it that Theo can’t say or hear or think. Then he says,

‘Okay well. I guess I’ll see you around.’

‘So dramatic,’ Liam grins, and for the first time he doesn’t look so sad. ‘We are neighbours, you know.’ 

Theo smiles but it’s more just a forced quirk of his mouth and when he looks at Liam he can feel his heart breaking. 

‘I’d be lying if I said I won’t miss you,’ he confesses. 

It’s not a confession if it’s a truth you both already know. 

 

******

 

Theo is a real shitbag. Men like him tend to be because they know precisely how good looking they are and exactly the way people will react to him. They know what they can get away with seconds before they try it out for real, and stand back in satisfaction when the chips fall where they knew they would. 

He saw the look on Liam’s face that first night, just two weeks ago. The stillness that took his face when he laid eyes on Theo, the slight swallow bobbing in the barrel of his throat when Theo smiled. Theo is not proud of it, but he wasn’t ashamed either until just now. He has been cheating with Liam on his fiancee, and even though Theo has never met her and can only guess what she looks like, he knows how shitty this is. It’s shitty for all the moral reasons people say it is, and it’s shitty because he wasn’t supposed to catch feelings like this. Guys like Theo don’t get emotions involved.

It is 12:41am when Theo Raeken realises he is in love.


	6. When I’m not supposed to

Liam is filled with lead. His head is heavy and he can’t focus, like he hasn’t slept in days. Food, when it reaches the back of his throat, threatens to pour out again. Nothing interests him anymore. All he can think is, Theo. 

When he arrives at the wedding venue to finalise the registry ceremony and go over timings, he sees a familiar warm smile and his heart fills with that soft affectionate love that's just for his fiancee. She is beautiful in a summer dress that sets off the tan of her skin. 

‘Hey beautiful,’ Liam smiles, holding her close and kissing her neck. They spent the night together last night - the night after he told Theo they couldn’t see each other anymore. He hasn’t seen Theo since and he’s been doing okay. Just short of okay, but it’ll get better soon. 

‘Hey yourself,’ Hayden beams. 

They sit through orders of words and double check the song for when Hayden walks in. They agree that he doesn’t want to see her until she appears at the bottom of the aisle and confirm that Hayden father will be give the first speech. 

When they part ways Liam just stands outside the venue, breathing. In three weeks time he will be a married man. Without thinking he pulls out his phone and begins dialling the one person he needs right now. 

 

*************************

 

'You're late!' Stiles laughs, leaning on the bar counter. 

'The owner is never late,' Theo grins in response,  'the customers are just early.' 

'Your round,' Scott slurs. 

'It's always my round - how the fuck am I gonna make any money?’ But it’s good-natured and Theo slides a shot over to Scott even though the guy should have been cut off four drinks ago. It’s fine, Theo will carry him home over his shoulder; tonight is a good night, Scott deserves to feel good. Theo’s VIP booth has been live for 24 hours now and it’s doing incredibly well, making him a tidy sum with each hour that passes. He can’t believe he didn’t think of this sooner. 

'Look around.'  Scott hooks his arm around his friend, suddenly alive. His dark eyes sparkle as he directs Theo’s attention. ‘See that girl? She’s DTF.’

‘What?’

‘DTF,’ Stiles explains. ‘It means down to -‘

‘I know what it means,’ Theo sighs. There is indeed a girl watching him. She’s pretty in a conventional sort of way, the type that could win a county fair hands down, and when he smirks at her she tosses her hair a little and bites her lip, then tilts her head and smiles back. He could fuck her in the restroom, and to be honest that’s exactly what needs right now. Theo’s mind is made up and it only took a second. He jumps the counter to get in front of the bar, taking with him a vodka lemonade to hand to the girl in question. When he gets to her he smiles. He’s always been a stand-up actor. Any role, any time; he can play the part of the most popular guy in the world while his heart breaks into pieces. Like it is now.

 

********

Liam puts down his beer. He refuses to drink anything but beer tonight, he doesn’t think his heart can handle whiskey or scotch. He’s had seven so far and it should be making him feel better but instead it’s weighing down a little more with each gulp. His heart in his chest is heavier than he’s ever felt it. 

‘Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong or are we gonna keep drinking and talking about Corey and me?’ Mason asks carefully, surveying his best friend over a rum and coke. 

‘You love Corey,’ Liam said stoutly. ‘I love Hayden.’

‘Right…’

‘And there’s no question about it.’ There is silence and Liam simply sits and watches patrons mill around the bar. Some of them are as dark-haired as Theo. Some of them are as tall. Then he says, ‘marriage is a big deal and I intend to take it seriously, treat Hayden right.’ He sighs. ‘Mase, can I tell you something you gotta take to your grave?’

‘Sure, you know it.’ Mason leans in, dark eyes serious and concerned. 

‘I fucked up.’

‘You…’

‘I fucked up,’ Liam nods slowly. He runs a hand over his face and stiffens when Mason asks,

‘...It’s the guy from Theo’s, isn’t it.’ When Liam doesn’t say anything Mason knows he’s right. A sigh leaves him. ‘Yeah, I kinda knew it. What…what happened?’

‘He’s…’ Liam shrugs. A slow, soft smile draws across his face as he says, ‘I don’t know. He’s cool. He moved in next door to me and I didn’t mean for it to go this far I just…he’s fucking gorgeous, you know? And he’s so intense and sarcastic and cocky but like…he can be sweet too, and nice, and he really…and he has these eyes and it’s like…’

‘Liam,’ Mason says emphatically, raising his eyebrows. ‘You’re engaged.’

The smile slips straight off of Liam’s lips. ‘Yeah I know.’

‘So this thing you’ve got going with Theo’s Bar guy -‘

‘Theo.’

‘What?’

‘He’s Theo, it’s his bar.’

‘Okay well you and Theo from Theo’s Bar…what, you’re cheating with him? On Hayden?’ Liam doesn’t say anything, just clenches his jaw because he knows where this is going but he needs to hear it, and lets Mason continue. ‘Seriously? Shit man, what the fuck? That’s not you, Liam, Liam Dunbar doesn’t cheat on his fiancee, especially not with three weeks to go till the wedding. What the fuck.’ There’s a long pause and Mason takes a long drink, almost drains his glass. ‘Are you gonna call it off?’

‘The wedding?’ Liam squawks indignantly, ‘no of course not, Jesus.’

‘I meant Theo, but I’m glad your priorities are still right.’ The dark-eyed man sighs. ‘Li, you’re my best friend and I love you. I care about you, and I care about you and Hayden. So just trust me ‘cause I’m saying this for your own good. I know guys like Theo’s Bar…and I know you’re just a game to him. He probably has three others on the go right now while you’re sitting all moony-eyed over him - he isn’t worth cheating on Hayden and ruining a great thing. You know that. You guys are so amazing together and you’ve been through so much…’

‘I know,’ Liam says quietly. His insides chafe with the brutal reality of Mason’s words. ‘I know. I know.’ 

‘So if you know, why…?’

‘Because he’s - and I’m - but we-‘ Liam spits out. He hates himself and Theo, and Mason most of all. He rubs his face roughly. ‘Mason you don’t need to worry. I already told him I couldn’t see him any more.’ 

Mason sits silently, obviously stunned but proud. ‘Wow. Well, you did the right thing, Li. I’m proud of you.’

 

******

 

Theo slings his arm around Malia’s shoulders as they leave his bar, him bending down a little to whisper stupidities into her ear and hear her giggle. He’s going to fuck her doggy style tonight, she already knows and he’s semi-hard at the anticipation. They round the street corner where he lives and he releases her for a moment as he pats his pockets for his house keys. He pulls her in for a kiss, arm curling round her shoulders again before he indicates for her to take the stairs up to his front door. When he releases her he notices shuffling and murmuring in his periphery. He looks over and every string of his heart snaps and leaves it suspended in his sternum. 

Electric blue eyes stare at him as a young mahogany-skinned man props the analyst up against his front door.

‘Hey,’ Theo says softly.

Liam doesn’t reply, simply looks away and goes inside. It puts a dull ache in Theo’s gut. He swallows and blinks, then tears his eyes away from where Liam has just been and begins to walk up the stairs to his door, hoping to leave his heart out on the sidewalk but he can't. In the silence before he reaches for Malia he can hear it calling out with every beat. 

 

Liam. Liam. Liam. Liam. Liam.


	7. When I’m lying close to someone else

The songs and the movies and the books and the idiots in the world don’t know what they’re talking about when they talk about love. They talk about sweaty palms and racing hearts, the nervousness and not knowing what to say. And it’s true if you wanna talk about infatuation. Instant attraction. Lust. That moment when you see someone who is just your type and you can pinpoint the exact moment you think, woah.   
No one ever talks about love at first sight. No one tells you that love at first sight is not electric or a spark, or a thunderbolt. Nothing sings in the background and there aren’t any fireworks. 

Love at first sight is silent and absolutely still. It’s eye to eye. It’s your souls whispering, ‘it’s you…’ when you meet for the first time since you were separated, before the beginning of the universe. It’s saying nothing at all and everything all at once with just that first gaze that refuses to let you look away. 

Liam has always been a cynic but even he knows he has fallen. It was love at first sight, the moment he looked up and saw those eyes, and now Hayden breathes evenly beside him in bed while Theo runs in rivulets through Liam’s mind like raindrops down a window pane. 

That’s why when he walks Hayden to her car and watches her drive off, he just stands there for a few moments, gathering his courage and his common decency and his sense and all those things you really need to be a man. He takes his time picking those things up off the sidewalk and pocketing them, slotting them in where they need to be and patting them into place. He’s going to let it go. He’s going to let Theo go. He has done the right thing in telling him they can’t see each other any more, and he’s going to stick to his resolve. He’s going to be strong and one day, when distance makes them strangers again and time does its thing, he’ll scoff at the idea that he even considered ever being in love with the dude who owns Theo’s Bar. It’ll strike him as totally absurd that he has ever had the capacity to experience love at first sight. 

Because love at first sight is made up. It doesn’t exist.

‘Hey,’ Liam says with a tentative smile. His hands are shoved deep into his jeans pockets and he’s squinting against the afternoon sun. ‘How’s it going?’

There is something in those eyes that flickers for a moment but before Liam can even begin to try and decipher it, it’s gone. 

‘It’s going,’ Theo says, bobbing his head. He looks so effortlessly casual, leaning against the doorjamb with his arms folded so that Liam can see every sinew in his thick arms. 

‘So I’m having dinner with my folks tomorrow night and they’re pretty serious about their drink,’ Liam forces out. He knows he’s about to babble and gabble and ruin this but screw it. He’s here now. He could not stay away. ‘And I thought you might be able to help me…’cause you deal with alcohol. A lot.’

Theo’s gaze flickers a little to Liam’s left and Liam feels instantly uncomfortable, like he’s bothering the man. Like he should have just stayed away like he said he would. 

‘Greenberg really knows more about that sort of stuff than I do,’ the taller man answers. ‘My guy at the bar? He’s the one you should be asking.’

‘Oh right. Sure. Okay, I’ll…’ Liam’s face is aflame. He is so embarrassed he could die. He turns to go but then a voice hesitantly says, 

‘But…I can try to help…As much as I can. Do…you wanna come in?’

Once Liam is over the threshold his heart slows its pounding a little but he is still on edge. He is still half in, half out, wondering if he should leave. Change his mind and be the good guy he has always been. Well. Always tried to be. 

‘How’s the wedding planning?’ Theo asks, and no matter how Liam strains he can’t hear anything beneath its evenness. He hunches his shoulders and doesn’t meet Theo’s eyes as they stand in the bar-owner’s kitchen.

‘Yeah, good. Not much to do except confirm stuff. I’ll be glad when it’s done, to be honest. Stress and stuff.’

‘I’ll bet.’ 

Liam finally raises his eyes. Theo’s gaze is unreadable, unmoving, on his. The red string connecting his chest to Theo’s is still there, he can feel it, and it starts tugging, reeling him in. His feet move without his say so. When he gets close enough his hands reach out and clutch Theo’s plain black t shirt without him commanding them. The groan that speaks of relief and ‘finally’ when Theo suddenly takes his face in his palms and kisses him so deeply his head spins, does so without his consent. 

What he wants is to tell Theo he didn’t mean it. That he did mean it. That he’s sorry and not sorry, and that he’ll leave right now because this has gone too far but please don’t let me go, this hasn’t gone far enough, not yet. He doesn’t say a word. Instead he kisses and clutches and grabs and pulls and sighs and lets Theo lead him up the stairs by the hand, and god those callouses feel so good against his palm. He almost trips on their ascent because he cannot tear his eyes away from the sight before him - Theo is in work-out pants that hug his ass and thighs just right. He’s not even naked yet and Liam is faint with desire. 

He lets Theo lead. It’s his repentance, his way of telling Theo that there was never any question about whether he would stay away. How could he stay away from this? From everything he has ever wanted? He lets Theo push him gently back and lay him down on the bed and silently tells him that Theo can have as much of him as he wants, however he wants. When Theo tears their clothes off and then pins his arms down by the wrist, hands on either side of his head, he wordlessly says that he is sorry, he was a fool but it’s okay because he is Theo’s fool, he always will be, and he thinks,

I am a fool for you, don’t let me go, please don’t let me go,

Theo thinks over and over. It’s the only thought in his head as he presses open-mouthed kisses down Liam’s throat. That hollow just between his clavicles is so sexy. Theo laves his tongue into it, closing his eyes for a second to reap the sounds that come from Liam’s mouth. Then he moves down that sugar-sprinkled chest and he never really thought much about chest hair but now he realises that chest hair is the most desirable thing on a man and he licks Liam’s right nipple as he slowly releases the man’s wrists and strokes down his muscled abdomen and Apollo’s belt and thighs. He sucks kisses into the softness of Liam’s inner thighs, careful not to leave marks because he’s not stupid, he knows Liam does not belong to him, not really, it’s just his heart that does, but for now that is enough. That is what makes Theo lick a line along Liam’s ballsack and up his cock, ending at his hip while he ignores the frustrated sighs coming from Liam’s pouty red mouth. He won’t beg. He won’t ask, either, because that’s not their style. Their style is slow and hypnotic. Silent. It makes the world stop. 

Liam fists the sheets beneath him as Theo’s tongue presses flat against his taint and he tenses. He is desperate for more but he cannot bring himself to mar the silence, so he pulls at Theo, bringing him up so their mouths meet in a hot, desperate kiss that makes Theo grunt and rock his hips downwards into Liam’s. Liam takes Theo’s hand from his flank where it is stroking his muscles and puts it to his mouth, first kissing the palm and then taking the first two fingers into his mouth. He swirls his tongue around them, sucking softly as if he is teasing Theo’s cock and not just his pretty, gym-calloused fingers, and saliva drips down the digits. Theo’s eyes are intense, watching Liam, and Theo bites down hard on his bottom lip in concentration, looming over the younger man. He lets Liam release his hand and he knows what to do. He knows to slip those wet fingers along Liam’s taint and slide them along his hole, just like how Liam does to him. When Liam’s eyes flutter shut Theo’s lips part, captivated. He has never seen anything so gorgeous. He dips down a little and runs his tongue over Liam’s mouth and his brow furrows in desire when Liam moans softly right into his mouth. Nothing tastes better than the sound of Liam moaning. 

When Theo shifts away a little to grapple with his nightstand for lube and a condom, Liam simply lies there staring with wide eyes at him. Every inch of him is tanned and smooth and so, so sculpted, like he fashioned himself from marble with nothing but a chisel and a mirror. Liam’s gaze runs over the furrows of muscle in Theo’s upper flanks, the clear and defined sections of six neat rectangles in his abdomen, the broadness of his chest, the depth of his pelvic jut that leads like an arrow down to the prettiest cock and thick, muscular thighs. 

Liam is tight and Theo takes his time licking into him. His face is focussed and grave as he does, tongue hot and wet and experienced and before long Liam is panting, head thrown back, delirious with desire as Theo makes him slippery with lube. He is going to get fucked by Adonis and every nerve in his body is coiled tight with anticipation. He blinks, confused, when Theo finally pulls away and lines himself up and simply hovers there above him, smirking. 

Suddenly Liam feels stupid and vulnerable. And then Theo pushes into him without warning and he curses loudly and grabs at the bar-owner, breath knocked from his lungs. Theo’s cock stretches him beyond belief, it almost feels like he is about to rip in two, but he forces himself to relax and just breathe. He counts his breaths in twos, then threes, eyes trained on the ceiling as he concentrates. Fingers find his face and gently force him to look into eyes flecked with green and grey and even a little brown amid a sea of ocean-blue, and he melts instantly into a soft kiss. 

They are still mouth to mouth when Theo begins moving and it hurts, it always hurts at first, until it doesn’t. Then when it doesn’t Liam becomes a mess and he is embarrassed even as the pleas and groans and grunts leave him but he cannot stop them; he doesn’t even try. Instead he grabs at Theo’s perfectly rounded ass to drive the man deeper into him, closer to him even though he knows nothing will ever be close enough.

I love you, he thinks desperately as Theo rocks into him again and again, eventually hitting his prostate and making him sob. I love you I love you, please

Please don’t let me go, Theo chants silently with every thrust as he drives into the man beneath him. I love you, Liam I love you  
A grunt of surprised pleasure leaves his lips when he feels Liam’s fingers slide into the cleft of his ass, rubbing where the cheeks part until they reach his hole. Fuck it feels good. He doesn’t know how much longer he can last and it’s embarrassing because they’ve just started and he’s not sixteen but Liam is so hot and tight, and he sounds almost as good as he looks with his debauched hair and flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen mouth; and his fingers are playing Theo’s rim and taint like a fucking harp. Theo grunts again as quietly as he can and try as he might, he cannot help the way his hips begin stuttering, tension building in his body as Liam strums him towards climax. He starts to thrust harder, as hard as he can without losing rhythm and he grips Liam’s cock tighter, making the younger man gasp and mutter incoherently. 

They are still locked, eye to eye, when Theo comes. It’s the widening of his eyes and the pained look of total ecstasy on his face that combine with his fingers on Liam’s cock to make Liam come just seconds later. It’s the most intense orgasm he’s had in such a long time and he gasps and pants and moans all through it, mixing swear words with huffs and half-groans. 

When they’re finished they lie there, watching each other, totally silent. All they do is breathe and blink. 

Liam reaches out a hand and slides his fingertips along one of the veins in Theo’s hand, and Theo takes those fingers, holds them tight. 

‘Say something,’ Liam says softly. 

‘Like?’ Theo asks, just as softly. 

‘Something nice.’

‘Something nice,’ Theo repeats with a scoff, but his facial expression is tender and he places a slow, tongued kiss to Liam’s mouth. It is enough to make Liam semi hard again. ‘Okay…well…How about…’ he pretends to cast around for something to say and Liam knows he’s pretending because when he looks at Liam once more, he is dead serious. Serious and sad, too. That sadness chokes Liam with smoke fingers. ‘I am in love with you.’

‘I know,’ Liam says quietly. Because he does know. He always has. There are some truths that go without saying, but he decides to speak this one anyway. Theo is completely still. He is scared and nervous and waiting and ashamed. Liam takes a breath, heart not even racing when he spills his biggest truth. ‘I’m in love with you too.’ 

‘I know.’ 

Neither of them smile. The streetlights come on outside.


	8. You’re stuck in my head and I can’t get you out of it

Liam has ordered the double cheeseburger and rosemary fries. It tastes really good. Everything tastes good here, it’s the best burger joint in town. His in-laws-to-be sit opposite him with shakes and hot dogs and Hayden sits to his left with a sad looking salad and vitamin water. She’s on a ‘wedding diet’ because she ‘wants the dress to drape just right’ even though she’s beautiful the way she is but ‘Liam wouldn’t understand’ because ‘he’s a man.’ She’s right on that count at least. He doesn’t understand it and he’s not sure he wants to, either. It’s out of respect to her that he didn’t order a shake ‘cause Hayden loves the shakes here, but every now and again he proffers a fry in her direction in the hope that she will eat something better than a lettuce leaf. 

‘One fry, babe,’ Liam offers, voice soft. 

‘No,’ his fiancee replies. 

‘Come on, lettuce is not going to fill you up.’

‘Liam this is the fifth fry you’ve offered me, if I wanted fries I would have ordered them for myself but I didn’t so just drop it,’ she snaps. 

Liam can see his in-laws’ eyes widening a little in consternation at the way their daughter has just snapped but to be honest, Liam is used to it. He doesn’t mind too much because she always apologises afterwards and it’s not like he’s the easiest guy to get along with, and you know, there’s the whole thing about Theo. Except Liam doesn’t really allow himself to think about Theo too much because when he starts he can’t stop. The man is always there in the back of his mind, a running soundtrack to every thought and sight and sound, but as much as he can he keeps him away from his consciousness. Because if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t stop. Like, take Theo’s eyes for example. So complex and intricately coloured, he has every landscape and every ocean in those irises. And he’s so intense, he sears Liam with every little look even across a crowded room. Then there’s his mouth. That mouth that pouts closed, so pretty pink it’s almost indecent, and his teeth are so perfect - he should be a dentistry advert. Now Liam’s thinking about his stubble and the way it lines his lower face and jaw, how it spreads down to his neck and that throat…is that where the voice box is? Liam figures it probably is, and he thinks about Theo’s voice and how deep and husky it is when he’s tired, how it disperses every little nerve ending down Liam’s spine. Yesterday Theo told him the most ridiculous story about a guy he knows who eats five bananas at a time, never just one, and honestly Liam doesn’t really believe it but who cares because the grin on Theo’s face when he told the story makes Liam want to shake the banana-guy’s hand just for being weird enough to make Theo smile like that. 

Right now as Liam sits there in the burger joint he has to push a fry into his mouth sideways because he can’t stop himself smiling at the memory of Theo’s bright beam and sparkling eyes. God, he’s the most beautiful man Liam has ever seen. He’s seeing Theo tonight and he cannot wait. 

‘…Liam?’

Liam jerks to attention and drops the fry in his hand. ‘I’m sorry sir?’

‘Hayden moving into your place,’ Mr Romero supplies around a mouth full of hot dog. ‘When?’

‘Oh,’ Liam says hastily, nodding. He picks up his burger. ‘Um…let’s see…the wedding is in just over a week right, so I guess we’re moving in a couple days before that.’

‘Left it a little late, haven’t you?’

‘Dad,’ Hayden says exasperatedly. She shovels a tomato slice into her mouth. ‘We’ve been through this. It doesn’t make sense to move in any sooner when the lease isn’t even up on my apartment until three days after we agreed I’d move in. It’s actually costing me money to leave the apartment. Remember?’

‘We can help out with that though, can’t we?’ Hayden’s mom asks, and Liam smiles a little. Hayden’s parents are awesome, he has always liked them. They’re so generous and warm and supportive - the kind of parents he really hopes he and Hayden will be. 

He thinks about having kids with Hayden and what they will look like. Probably leggy and dark-haired like Hayden, with his eyes and temper. The idea tickles him, and he wonders how many they will have. Three? In the past they’ve always said three…Liam feels his arms grow numb. His palms are sweating suddenly and there is a wave of bitter saliva flooding into his mouth. His chest feels like someone is sitting on it and breath struggles to leave and enter his lungs, he can feel his heart stuttering out of rhythm so hard he can see it through his button-up shirt when he looks down. Is this what a heart attack feels like? He begins to panic. Shit he is having a heart attack. He’s going to die, he’s going to die right now, and no one will think to tell Theo - Theo won’t ever know why Liam didn’t show up tonight

‘Excuse me,’ he manages to choke out, before sprinting out of the restaurant.

When he gets out into the street he tears at his shirt buttons, ripping them out of their holes as he gasps, and he swallows again and again because he does not want to throw up in front of everyone. He bends forward, hands on his knees, and finally, finally feels his heartbeat become less painful. He forces himself to breathe deeply and as evenly as he can to trick himself into thinking he’s fine, and slides down so he is sitting on the sidewalk, back against the wall, knees against his forehead. It dimly washes over him that he has just had a panic attack and he feels fear prickle at him because he doesn’t know what triggered it, doesn’t know if it’ll keep happening. 

He closes his eyes and thinks of Theo and how good he always smells, and the obscene bulk of muscle in his arms and the way it feels when that bulk is around Liam, holding him close. The thought calms Liam and grounds him enough that he can feel the grain of the brick wall behind him against his scalp and hair. Theo…

‘Li, are you okay?’ 

Liam opens his eyes and sees Hayden. He smiles best he can, heart picking up speed once more. 

 

******

‘You alright?’ Theo asks softly, watching the perfect profile. It’s the line of his nose, Theo thinks, and the glass blade of his jawline that make it perfect. It’s also his softly closed eyes that end in long, fanned out lashes, and the peaks of his full red lips. Liam’s head is tilted back, resting on the top of the sofa, the column of his throat and Adam’s apple exposed. It looks so vulnerable, so soft. 

Slowly Liam opens his beautiful eyes and turns his head, captivating Theo with that arresting blue. 

‘Yeah,’ Liam says with a faint smile but it doesn’t crease his face the way it should and Theo shuffles to face him properly. As gently as he can Theo puts his fingers in Liam’s rapidly growing chestnut strands and smiles when the younger man’s eyes flutter shut again in comfort. Theo cannot decide if he likes Liam better with his hair long like this or short like when they first met. 

‘You sure?’

Liam hand comes up and takes Theo’s wrist, bringing it to his mouth and kissing the palm in a way that hypnotises Theo. ‘Yeah, I’m sure. Tell me about the banana guy.’ 

Theo laughs. ‘I’ve already told you about banana guy.’ 

A grin finally settles on Liam’s face, and this time it reaches right up to his eyes and Theo finally relaxes. He allows the younger man to pull him in and kiss him softly, hand on Theo’s chest. 

‘You have the best laugh,’ Liam tells him against his mouth, and Theo kisses him so he doesn’t see the blush on his cheeks. He lets himself slide his palms along Liam’s face, revelling in those cheekbones and the definition of his jaw. He feels Liam shift beside him and their kiss breaks for a second as the shorter man moves and puts his knees on either side of Theo’s hips, straddling him. Theo winds his arms around the waist in front of him, inhales Liam’s cologne and body wash and DNA beneath it all, and opens his mouth for Liam to lick into it. 

Liam moans into it, puts his arms around Theo’s shoulders and feels his entire body weep silently with comfort and security, a thin thread of desire running through it. He wants to whisper how much he loves Theo. Confess that he has never felt this way about anyone before. Chant like a hail Mary that he will surely die if Theo ever lets him go. Instead, he runs his hands down Theo’s perfectly chiselled body and grabs at the hem of the tight t shirt he’s wearing, pulling it up and off and hears his breath hitch at the stunning sight in front of him. Am I the only one fucking you? he wants to ask, but he is well aware of how he has no right. So he keeps his thoughts to himself and lets Theo undress him, belt buckle first. He stands for a minute to kick off his lower layers and shoes and launches on Theo again as soon as the bar-owner is equally nude, groaning into an open mouthed kiss that is just teeth and tongue and breath. 

‘I don’t have any lube down here,’ Theo murmurs, stifling a gasp when Liam grinds down against him. He digs his blunt fingers into muscled hips and that ass that just won’t quit. Liam doesn’t reply, just kisses him and pushes his hips forward, grazing Theo’s cock with his own. Theo bucks a little beneath him, restricted by the position but desperate for contact. It makes Liam lick his palm lavishly before he takes their cocks and begin to stroke them slow and steady, eyes intense and fixated on Theo’s. 

Am I the only one? The words are on the tip of Liam’s tongue and he has to swallow them down, save them for another day when he has lost his mind. He breaks eye contact and leans forward to kiss a line down the side of Theo’s thick, tanned neck as he picks up the pace, wrist quickening and twisting. His mouth hits the curve where neck joins shoulder and he begins to suck, eyes closed, brow furrowed with concentration. He wants the whole world to know that Theo Raeken belongs to him. More importantly, he wants Theo to know it when he feels the sensitive bruise now forming every time he touches his neck, whenever he looks in the mirror. Liam flicks his tongue over the area and then bites down - lightly at first, but then Theo groans and thrusts his hips upwards, cock rubbing against Liam’s, so Liam bites down again harder. This time it makes Theo cuss and that one little ‘fuck’ sets Liam alight. He grabs at Theo’s hair, nibbles delicately on his left earlobe as desire flows along every cell in his body and he grinds his hips sloppily, just trying to get more contact with Theo’s cock. 

Theo’s pleasure builds. Liam is so good at stroking his cock and the sight of his length against Liam’s urges him on with his climax. With every bite and nibble Theo receives to his neck, his ear, his lips, electric jolts of pleasure shoot through his cock and now the head is weeping the way he wants to. God it feels so fucking good. Theo has always been into biting. It makes everything so much more heightened. He can feel Liam sucking and biting a hickey into the side of his neck; he hasn’t had a hickey since he was sixteen, they’re so juvenile and inappropriate for a grown man - but for some reason right now it’s the hottest thing he has ever experienced and he hates himself for whimpering with every scrape of Liam’s teeth. He grabs at Liam’s ass and squeezes a globe in each hand, closing his eyes at the sound of Liam’s moan. He runs his palms along the rounded flesh, allowing a thumb to dip into the space between each cheek. When the tip of a thumb grazes Liam’s hot, tight rim, he feels Liam’s body writhe against him and the younger man rests his head on Theo’s shoulder, breath ragged and heavy. Theo replaces his thumb with the upper points of his two first fingers and rubs slowly into Liam’s hole while he jerks his hips upwards into Liam’s fist, chasing his pleasure. Liam’s other hand comes up and runs Theo’s nipple under the palm, caressing the nub with the line of his fingers. It brings Theo that little bit closer to climax with each stroke.

Liam rides Theo’s lap, pushing down against the fingers pressing against his hole. Between Theo’s velvet cock sliding against his faster and faster and the flicker of fingers against his entrance, he is not going to last long. In fact, his balls are already tightening and he moves his hand from Theo’s chest so that he can grab at his nape instead and pant desperately into his ear as he rushes towards orgasm. He moans, high pitched and needy as Theo runs his fingertips in circles against his hole and it feels so good. It feels so fucking good he can’t contain himself, this is it, this is it and oh fuck, he’s coming so hard, it’s so good, so so fucking good, yes, oh yes

When he’s finished he collects himself for a second, watching the glistening come he’s just shot onto Theo’s six-pack abs. His pretty pink cock is still hard and flushed, leaking pre-come and twitching with the need to release. It takes Liam three seconds before he’s down on his knees between Theo’s thighs. He takes that pretty cock into his mouth without a single word all the way to the base and back out again, before twirling his tongue in patterns along the shaft. He listens to Theo gasp and it sounds like applause to his orgasm-drunk ears, so he licks the head, along the underside like a lollipop. Hands come down and bury themselves in his hair, as if urging him to stop with the games. So he does. He puts Theo’s dick in his mouth completely and hollows out his cheeks, bobbing back and forth best he can. Saliva runs down Theo’s cock, down to his balls, and covers Liam’s hand as he strokes. One wet set of fingers play Theo’s sac like a piano, another curls around the base of his shaft and tugs in rhythm with the bobs of Liam’s head and he can hear Theo’s breath coming out in huffs, body tensing as he climbs to the peak of his climax. The hands in Liam’s hair increase a little in their careful pressure and then. Then Liam looks up, right into Theo’s eyes.

Theo’s heart stops when that disarming blue flashes up into his, so wide and open and wanting, like Liam wants nothing more than to drink down Theo’s come. Liam’s pouty red lips are even redder wrapped around Theo’s shaft and the sight is so fucking raw and hot that it makes Theo’s breath stutter in his chest when his muscles clench and his balls tighten and his cock pulsates and releases hot streams of come into Liam’s waiting mouth. 

When Liam is finished swallowing he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and climbs back into Theo’s lap to pull him into a flavoured kiss, tongue hot and salty. 

‘You are so fucking gross,’ Theo grins against his lips, mouth filled with the taste of himself. 

Liam simply grins back, dips his index finger into the cool, congealing pool of his come on Theo’s toned belly and licks it slowly, sampling himself. When he looks back up at Theo, the older man’s pupils are blown and his lips are parted in wonderment and lust. He grabs Liam’s neck and pulls him in to kiss him hard and deep and long. 

‘So gross,’ he murmurs, and Liam laughs


	9. Everybody knows we’ve got unfinished business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautifuls.  
> I haven’t done a chapter note in a while but I just wanted to thank you all for your lovely comments and kudos and bookmarks and views. You’re all wonderful xx

When Liam wants to, he can shut everything out. He’s the kind of focussed where if he needs to he can pretend nothing exists and just concentrate. People, music, distractions. One time Hayden stood before him wearing nothing but a bow and he didn’t notice for ten minutes because he was studying for a final. It’s probably one of his best attributes, he reckons.   
Except tonight, as he stands there around a table with his friends, one drink down, he can’t help himself. It’s not that he can’t focus - it’s that there is only one thing he wants to focus on and no matter how many times he trains his gaze on the table or Kira’s left canine tooth, and no matter how hard he concentrates, it wanders. Like following breadcrumbs into a sugar-sweet forest his eyes follow, follow, follow. Down a long line of patrons, over a crowd, along the long mahogany bar counter, down the wall of glass bottles…and there he is. Smiling as he serves flirty girls and guys whose heads are bobbing to the beat, rounded shoulders almost bursting through the cotton of his navy button-up. And every time he finishes with a customer, his blue-green eyes dart across the room to Liam and Liam feels his insides quake every time. It’s like Theo is unable to keep his eyes off of him. Like he has a serious case of what Liam has come down with too. 

Theo glances at the customer in front of him. A good looking guy with dirty blond hair, blue eyes and a square jaw, wearing a tight grey t shirt and looking at Theo in just the right way. If he smirks and tilts his head, Theo can have this guy wrapped around his dick in less than ten minutes, and to be honest this guy ticks every box on Theo’s list. 

‘What’ll it be?’ he asks the hottie. 

‘Rekorderlig - pear,’ the guy says briefly. ‘And something for you.’

‘I wish I could man but I can’t drink on the job,’ Theo grins, ‘thanks though, ‘preciate it.’

‘Okay well how about we go someplace else and we can have a drink once you’re off the clock?’

Theo’s grin widens and he chuckles a little to himself as he reaches back and grabs a bottle of cider. This guy is hot and forward. Just Theo’s type. He slides the cider over to the guy before him and leans on the bar. Technically there is no reason why he can’t go out with this guy. He’s not attached. He hasn’t heard from Malia since they fucked first and last time, which is fine by him. 

‘I…I’ll think about it,’ Theo says, even though he knows he won’t. 

‘Make sure you do. I’m Jackson, by the way.’

‘Good to meet you.’ He takes the hand Jackson is proffering and nods when Jackson tells him that he’s over by the VIP booth in the far corner, nods again when Jackson tells him he’ll say before he leaves, and truthfully, the more they talk the more it dawns on Theo…This guy is hot. Fuck-me-in-the-toilets hot. The kind of hot that ruins you for a few weeks afterwards. Theo can see every pair of eyes in their sightline roaming over the guy. 

Except. Except…none of that matters, because he’s not Liam. The realisation presents itself like a soft, rolling smog across Theo’s entire being and he smiles at Jackson in that way you smile at someone when you want absolutely nothing from them. And like clockwork his head turns to his left and his eyes find the exact spot he last saw Liam and his chest putters with joy when he sees Liam already watching him. It’s those eyes. That searing blue. Theo simply stares for a few seconds, held in place. He cannot bear to look away, and his heart stops for a moment when he sees Liam making his way over without glancing away even once. He sees Liam’s friends in his peripheral vision asking where he’s going and what he’s doing, shouting drink orders at him and Liam is saying something in response but he’s not looking at them. He’s looking at Theo. 

‘$6.48,’ Theo tells Jackson but he is still watching the most beautiful man in the world walking towards him. He presents the card machine with only half his attention but finally tears his gaze away from those eyes to tap out the amount Jackson owes. 

Liam arrives at the bar with a lump in his chest that rises steadily and tastes an awful lot like bile once it reaches the bottom of his gullet. There’s a fucking ridiculous-looking guy smirking at Theo, draped over the bar. He is offensively attractive. It’s obvious the guy is hitting on him and Theo is grinning at his game. There is chemistry between them, it’s plain to see. They’re going home together. Liam knows it. The knowledge makes Liam’s heart pound dangerously and he sort of wants to cry but also sort of wants to punch Theo in his gorgeous mouth because really? Seriously? Liam knows that he is just another one - Theo is so stunning he can have anyone he wants, but does he have to be so obvious and callous and cruel about it? Does he have to make Liam his audience?

The very second Liam appears in Theo’s vision, the bar-owner ignores every other patron that has been waiting over ten minutes for service and a foolish smile spreads slowly across his face.

‘Hey,’ he greets quietly, ‘what can I get you?’ 

Liam’s blue is unreadable right now but Theo doesn’t mind too much, it’s beautiful and that’s enough for him. He is dimly aware that Jackson is still hanging around a little, probably hoping to engage with him some more but Theo cannot be bothered with him any more. Everything he has ever wanted is standing across the bar from him. 

‘I don’t know, what’s good here?’ Liam asks softly, and now his eyes are soft too and the same kind of idiot smile is unravelling on his face, matching Theo’s. His gaze rests for a moment on the mahogany bruise smeared over Theo’s tanned neck. 

‘Everything but the owner.’

‘Yeah I know,’ Liam smiles.

‘You don’t mean that.’

There is a pause and they both know that if they were in private they would be kissing right now, grabbing at each other’s clothing. But they aren’t in private, so they content themselves with simply looking at each other and saying everything and nothing at all. 

‘You getting me a drink?’ Liam asks, breaking the spell.

Theo nods once and with deft hands makes up a tumbler of the scotch he knows is Liam’s favourite. He always thinks of it as Liam’s scotch now, but he would rather die than say that aloud. 

‘On the house,’ Theo winks, putting his elbows on the bar and carefully sliding a glass over to the shorter man. 

Liam considers thanking him but somehow the words don’t manage to leave his mouth. They never do. There is never please or thank you - they’ve surpassed thank you. Thank you is too basic, too polite. It’s what you say to strangers on public transport when they offer you a seat. People who don’t share your heartbeat. There is never ‘you’re beautiful’ either, when Liam and Theo stand there simply staring at each other, drinking from each other’s wells. ‘You’re beautiful,’ ‘I love you’, ‘you’re perfect,’ are cheap and throwaway. They have said them to others before. There is just those eyes and that gaze that says everything while they both say nothing.

Without consent Liam’s eyes drop down to the opening of Theo’s shirt. The first three buttons are undone and there is just right amount of pliant, firm pectoral on show for Liam to take in a breath and harden. When he regains himself enough to take a sip from his drink and looks back up at Theo’s face there is a knowing smirk on it and Liam puts his head in his arms, blushing, because really, he’s so ridiculous and obvious but who gives a shit?

His breath hitches, eyes wide when Theo leans right over the counter and puts his lips in Liam’s ear in front of everyone. Liam’s body temperature soars.

‘You’re real cute, you know that?’ Theo murmurs, and it makes Liam blush harder. He grins, incoherent with pleasure. 

‘It’s been said,’ Liam says in a strangled tone. It makes Theo chuckle and Liam exerts all his strength to stop himself tilting his head and pushing his mouth onto Theo’s. He smells so good, like cologne and testosterone and himself. ‘What time do you get off tonight?’

‘Three…Little late for you.’

‘I can make an exception.’

There is a wolfish grin on Theo’s face that Liam would like to lick clean off. 

‘I’ll see you then,’ the bar-owner says with a voice that glitters dangerously, and Liam doesn’t say anything. Just takes his glass and makes his way back to his friends. He grins all the way. 

 

***

 

  

‘That hickey you gave me is fucking painful,’ Theo growls against Liam’s mouth as he pins him against the wall outside the bar at closing. ‘By the way.’ 

Liam’s hands grab at Theo’s shirt, fondling the muscle beneath. The way the tight fabric hugs his bulky chest and shoulders has been driving Liam crazy all night. 

‘Put some ice on it,’ Liam answers breathily and grins into the kiss Theo presses against his mouth. Theo’s arms are braced on the brick wall of the bar behind them, crowding Liam so he is surrounded by muscle and cologne and heat. Excitement tingles at the base of his spine and front of his jeans. 

‘Smartass,’ Theo mutters. He sucks Liam’s lips into his mouth, pulling off slowly and savouring the flavour of them. He grazes his lips against Liam’s and feels his already rock hard cock twitch in his jeans when Liam’s tongue sweeps across his lower lip and teases the inside of his mouth. A hushed sigh leaves Theo’s mouth and he licks Liam’s tongue as the analyst’s arms circle around his waist and press their bodies so close there is not a breath between them. They kiss passionately, harshly, and then gently, with innocence and affection. Every little kiss drives Theo insane. He could stand here doing this all night.

******

‘I could’ve swore I had it,’ Kira says agitatedly.

‘Clearly not,’ Mason says under his breath. The alcohol buzz has well and truly worn off now and he is bone-tired. It’s 3:15 in the morning and all he wants is to crawl into his bed with Corey and sleep until his seventy-fifth birthday. He envies Liam for bowing out ten minutes to closing and sorely wishes he went with him. 

‘It’s fine, somebody probably handed it over to management,’ Corey says calmly. He is always calm, always clear-headed and gentle no matter how irritating the situation. It’s why Mason loves him. ‘Phones get lost all the time.’

‘Somehow I don’t think phones get lost. I think phones get stolen,’ Mason drawls. He sighs and follows his friends back to the bar but lets them go in without him, content to berate himself outside. 

There is a breeze cooler than comfortable and Mason shivers a little in his thin khaki shirt. He shoves his hands in his pockets and paces a little to keep himself awake. As he goes past the corner of the building, he stops at the sound of voices. Two guys. They’re murmuring quietly, not frequently enough to be having a conversation, just a word here and there. Mason hears a soft chuckle, and then the unmistakable sound of lips meeting. The thought of two dudes getting it on in public outside the bar makes him a little hot and he battles with himself for a moment over whether he really wants to be doing this before - yep, there he goes, his feet are making their way over slowly and cautiously. He just wants to see what these guys look like, these guys who are so enamoured and desperate that they cannot wait to get indoors.

When he rounds the corner, Mason comes face to face with the back of a dark-haired man hunched over and leaning against the wall, obscuring his partner from view. The guy is not only ripped, judging from the muscles in his back, but he is also thicker than a milkshake and has what Mason can only describe as the perfect peach-shaped ass. Mason watches muscled guy remove his bulky arms from the wall and wrap them around his partner’s waist, pulling him closer as they kiss. The smack and suck of their lips echoes in the deserted corner way. Then the partner’s hands come up and card fingers through muscled guy’s hair, stroke the nape of his neck and tops of his shoulders. It dawns on Mason slowly that muscled guy is the bartender from tonight - he recognises the shoulders and the shirt and maybe even the hair, and he smirks in a half envious, half congratulatory way because the dude is hot and his partner is lucky as shit. 

Mason takes one last amused look before beginning to turn back, and his heart stops. The fingers running through the bartender’s hair. Five of them are clean and blunt and average. Five of them have nails painted black and a ring on the middle finger. If Mason has worked out the angles right, he calculates that the polish is on the guy’s right hand. The exact shade is called ‘Nightcap.’ He knows because Kira put it on for him, Corey, and Liam this afternoon while they were at her place, before painting her own nails. They’ve been cracking jokes all night about being part of a cult or a secret club. 

The man tongue-fucking the bartender from Theo’s bar is wearing the black nail polish Mason and his friends are wearing, on the hand that Mason and his friends are wearing it. The ring on his middle finger is a jade and silver keepsake from Kira’s last trip to Japan. 

The man kissing the bartender from Theo’s Bar, moaning into his mouth and pulling him closer, is a man who is engaged to someone else. 

Mason’s stomach swoops before it drops into his bowel. If he says something it will look like he’s spying. If he says nothing and brings it up later it will look like he’s been spying. If he says nothing at all, ever, he will be letting Liam make the biggest mistake of his life. He knows how much Liam loves Hayden. He knows his best friend would never do anything to hurt the ones he loves. He knows without a doubt this is a drunken accident because Liam has never been good at holding his liquor and he will be grateful for the intervention once he’s sobered up tomorrow morning. 

It is with this 3-in-the-morning conviction that Mason says, ‘Liam.’ His voice rings out in the still night. 

The pair in front of him don’t react. It’s like he hasn’t spoken at all. He tries again. Hope bubbles in his stomach that he is wrong, this guy is a random stranger and the nails and the ring are just coincidences. This time the bartender pulls away from his partner’s mouth and reluctantly turns his head in Mason’s direction. His mouth is blood-red and kiss swollen. In this new angle, Mason is able to see Liam watching the bartender, waiting for him to give him attention once more. He looks spellbound. With another thunk of realisation, Mason knows in that very moment that this is not a bartender. It’s Theo. It’s the man Liam has spoken about before, when he said he had already put a stop to things. And Mason knows in the same moment that this scene unfolding before him is no drunken accident. He feels sick and confused and nervous, and he wishes he hadn’t said a word. He wishes he could have the last three minutes over. 

He watches Theo jerk his head a little in Mason’s direction and sees Liam follow the tilt of the man’s head. When his eyes land on Mason Liam’s lips part in surprise. Liam’s eyes widen as he realises just who is standing there and his face, previously flushed with lust, now drains to a pale, guilt-ridden white. But he still hasn’t let go of Theo. His hands are still resting on the bar-owner’s chest and arm.

Mason turns on his heel, heart thudding, and he hears Liam call out, 

‘Mason, wait!’

And footsteps rapidly running after him. 

 

There are eight days until the wedding.


	10. You could break my heart in two

Liam smushes his face with his hands. He runs fingers through his now nape-length hair. It’s exactly the length Hayden wants it for the wedding and he only has to wait another seven days until he can get it cut. 

‘Say something,’ Mason says roughly. The words are a parody of all the times Liam has murmured it to Theo in their moments of intimacy, eyes raking over each other in total stillness. 

Liam sighs. ‘What do you want me to say?’

Neither of them slept last night and now it is 11am and they’re sat in Mason’s apartment, just the two of them at the folding card table. Mason is considerate enough to have ensured that Corey is not home now as they sit and swallow and spit out words that should really be said but aren’t. Bags hang below Mason’s bloodshot, tired eyes, matching the violet rings around Liam’s. They both look shattered and they haven’t even said a word yet. 

‘You could say something about how you told me you were gonna break it off and then obviously didn’t.’ Mason’s tone is light, not accusing, and Liam is grateful. 

‘I did break it off.’

‘And then you went back to him.’ Liam doesn’t reply and Mason gets up without a word to go and turn on the coffee machine. He makes up two plain Americanos and sets one in front of Liam before sitting back down heavily. He doesn’t know where the hell to start. It’s such a delicate balance because he doesn’t want Liam to feel like this is a witch hunt or that if he tells Mason he’s in love with Theo that Mason will judge or hate him. But at the same time, Liam is getting married in seven days, and it’s not like it’s too late - even though it kind of is - it’s that he needs to make up his mind. Mason is terrified of saying the wrong thing but even more afraid that Liam is about to make a huge mistake. He organises his thoughts a little, and as evenly as he can he asks Liam to tell him what happened, from beginning to end.

And Liam does. Mason sits silently, sipping steaming coffee as Liam tells him about the first kiss all those weeks ago - five weeks? Has it only been five weeks? About how Liam was enraptured from that very first look at the bar and Theo’s charming smile and the way he told him to take care of himself. He tells Mason about how Theo moved in next door entirely by coincidence, like the universe was pushing them together, and how he set out to be the guy’s friend but then…Liam’s lips curve in a slow smile when he tells of the magnetism, the red string that connects him to Theo and the way Theo makes his heartbeat speed up and slow down simultaneously. He bows his head with shyness when he says to Mason that really, he did tell Theo he couldn’t see him anymore, but…Theo is the most beautiful man he has ever seen, he has never wanted anything the way he wants Theo.

And all throughout this soliloquy Mason feels his heart sink because the wedding is in seven days. The venue is booked and the guests have already RSVP’d and the caterers have confirmed. Kira just finished getting her dress hemmed, Hayden has lost three pounds. The rings have been sized. Liam’s hair is finally long enough. 

‘What are you gonna do?’ Mason asks softly. The blue eyes that look up at him are afraid and nervous. ‘Are you gonna call off the wedding?’

‘What? No!’ Liam is indignant but as the denial leaves his mouth his chest compresses uncomfortably. There is a deep well of sadness there as he imagines what his wedding will be like in seven days time. For a crazy millisecond he wonders what would happen if he texted her now and called the whole thing off, but then shame fills him and guilt sears his edges. 

‘Okay…So then…Theo…’

The compression in his chest gets worse. He’s not a stupid guy, he knows and has known all along that he’s going to have to call things off eventually. Has envisioned a thousand times how he could do it, and then chickened out every single time because floods and earthquakes and fires are bad, but they’re nowhere near what it would be like not knowing Theo, not having those eyes on him. He recalls last time he told Theo he can’t see him anymore and regrets that he went back because now…Now there is too much history. They have made love and held each other and laughed too many times. He will not be able to forget the burn of Theo’s touch for the rest of his life and he is petrified at what it will do to Hayden and the way he treats her. She doesn’t deserve any of this and even though the thought of having children and the next 60 years with her brings on panic attacks, he loves her so, so much. She is his best friend and the best person he knows, she’s so soft and gentle and strong. She is nothing like Theo’s sarcastic smirks and cool measured flirtations. He recalls a time when he would have killed for her. 

‘I know I need to break things off,’ Liam says in a monotone. 

‘You’re getting married in a week.’

‘Yeah I know.’ 

There is more silence and a swirling ball rises up from Liam’s gut, up into the recesses of his throat so it’s hard to swallow and it makes his nose and eyes prickle. 

‘I’ll do it tonight,’ he says, stiff and terrified that the blurring in his eyes will spill down his face. A grounding hand lands on his shoulder and squeezes, and without his say-so, the wells in his eyes begin to leak. 

 

******

Liam is distracted again. He sometimes is, and Theo always knows why. Not because they’re in sync and they’re perfect for each other and they’re soulmates or anything dumb like that. Theo always knows why because there is only one possible reason for it: the wedding. It’s in seven days, and when Theo takes a step back to really think about what seven days feel like, something tight and unrelenting squeezes his lungs and gut because it’s just a week. One more week and he won’t know Liam anymore. Less than a week, in actuality, because Hayden is moving into Liam’s house in four and a half days, and once she’s moved in he won’t be able to have nights like this any more with Liam curled up with him in bed. Theo has thought about the possibility of being friends with both of them - but then he thinks about how hard it would be. And he has next to no control when it comes to Liam; he would invariably make a move and either they would ruin Liam’s marriage with an affair or Liam would push him off and make him regret it. Theo doesn’t know which is worse. 

The anticipation and dread in his stomach are a constant companion even now as Liam lies on his back, face turned towards the window, watching moonlight stream in through undrawn curtains. The iridescent glow illuminates the sharp valleys of Liam’s cheekbones and the knife blade of his jaw, the line of his throat. He is so beautiful. Something contracts in Theo’s chest as he looks at the man. He reaches out a single finger and traces the side of Liam’s face, making it turn and smile softly at him. In an instant Theo melts and his worries vanish as if by magic. He is alight. 

‘Tell me something,’ he says quietly. His fingers slide from jaw to neck to sugar-dusted chest, down to Liam’s torso and the lines of his Apollo’s belt. They’ve only just finished making love but Theo would go again if he could. He would go without end if he could. 

‘Like?’ Liam asks. 

‘Like why you’re so quiet.’ It is a trick question because Theo knows the precise reason for Liam’s insular nature tonight. The wedding is weighing heavily on him and Theo can hear the cogs turning in his mind as he thinks of all the things he needs to do. One of those things pertains to Theo. 

‘Wedding stuff,’ Liam says succinctly. His tone is gentle but the words still put a paper cut through Theo’s insides. Against every better judgment and everything he knows about self-preservation, Theo prods a little. 

‘Wedding stuff like what?’

‘Just wedding stuff.’ There is a pause in which Theo considers whether he wants to try again and really go for his own jugular, but then Liam asks him, ‘whatever happened to that girl you were seeing?’

‘…The girl?’ Theo repeats, confused. He doesn’t know who Liam is talking about, nor does he understand why Liam would want to know about Theo with someone else. ‘Which girl?’

‘I don’t know, the one from a couple weeks ago. You took her home.’ Liam is not meeting his eyes. ‘Pretty, brown hair…?’

Realisation dawns and Theo says, ‘oh, her. I don’t know, I haven’t spoken to her since that night. Why?’

‘Just asking.’ 

Theo nods once as if he understands when he really doesn’t. He doesn’t like talking about other people with Liam - he doesn’t want Liam to think Theo is not totally obsessed with him. Doesn’t want Liam to think he is just another one. With this in mind, Theo runs his fingers through Liam’s hair and props himself up on an elbow so he can press an open-mouthed kiss to the prettiest mouth in the world. 

‘Have I ever told you how much I like your mouth,’ Theo whispers between kisses. He traces fingertips along Liam’s pouty red lips and kisses around his fingers. He sucks at the soft flesh, turning the red deeper. 

‘What about the guy at the bar?’ Liam asks against Theo’s lips. 

‘Hmm?’ Theo only half hears the question as he kisses Liam again and again, deeper each time. His cock is hard again, ass throbbing for round two. This time he wants Liam to eat him out until he comes. He runs a palm down Liam’s broad chest, savouring the feeling of sugar beneath his hand. He adores Liam’s chest hair, loves when it peaks out from the collar of his shirts.

‘The guy from your bar,’ Liam repeats, ‘the one who hit on you last night.’ 

‘Mmmm.’ Theo bites down gently on Liam’s lower lip, then sucks it into his mouth before pulling off and placing kisses to that soft space just behind the man’s perfectly formed earlobe. He works his way down to the curve of Liam’s neck and smiles when he reaches the place where he could give Liam an identical hickey, but won’t because he’s not that much of an asshole. Still, the idea of Hayden seeing it thrills him a little in the worst way. 

‘Theo,’ Liam says. 

‘Yeah?’ 

‘I’m asking you a question.’ 

Theo sighs in irritation and wrenches his mouth from Liam’s skin, leans back a little to look his lover in the eye. He figures once this dumb question is out of Liam’s system he can continue with his mission of getting throughly fucked. ’Okay Liam, what is your question.’

‘The guy at the bar last night that hit on you. Did you get his number?’ 

Theo stares at Liam. Surely Liam is not jealous? The idea tickles him, tastes delicious on his tongue, and he smirks. ‘No I did not. Happy now? You’ve asked your question.’ 

Without another second’s thought, Theo shifts so he is on top of Liam, arms winding round his neck as he kisses those magnetic lips again. He notices that Liam is not grabbing at him, or even holding him, like he normally would at this stage, and so it does not come as a surprise when he hears him ask, 

‘Why not?’

Theo pauses, then props himself back up on his elbow so he can stare down at Liam incredulously. ‘Why didn’t I ask for a customer’s phone number while I served him at my business establishment?’

‘Well no,’ Liam backtracks, looking embarrassed. ‘I mean, you know. He was really…attractive. And you should have got his phone number.’

‘To pass on to you, clearly,’ Theo says wryly, but his eyes are amused. He capitulates and takes Liam’s fingers to press them to his mouth. ‘I didn’t want his phone number, that’s why I didn’t ask for it.’ 

‘But why didn’t you want it?’

‘I just didn’t, that’s all.’

‘He wasn’t your type?’

‘Um…’ Theo considers for a moment, stroking Liam’s jawline. ‘Yeah, I guess he was.’ 

‘So if he was your type and he was hitting on you, why didn’t you get his phone number?’

‘I don’t know, I just didn’t. I didn’t want it.’ There is a moment of silence and Theo is satisfied that he has finally satiated Liam’s curiosity. He leans down once more and begins to kiss a line from Liam’s mouth to chest, taking his time with the hollow between those clavicles he likes so much. He cannot wait to have Liam’s tongue in him. 

‘…I think you should have got his phone number.’

With a groan Theo pulls away completely and flops onto his back. Liam clearly isn’t letting go and now Theo is annoyed. ‘Okay, what is it.’ 

‘What?’

‘Liam you’re obviously grilling me about this guy for a reason so what is it. What’s your issue.’ 

‘I don’t have an issue,’ Liam says hotly, but Theo overrides him.

‘You obviously do and it’s bothering you so much that you’re ignoring some of my best work, so just spit it out.’ His tone softens. ‘Come on, for my ego’s sake.’ 

That pulls a reluctant smile from Liam and Theo feels a little of his frustration ebbing away because, honestly, who can stay mad at that face?

‘I just…’ Liam begins softly. ‘I just I think you should have someone. To…be with. Spend your life with or whatever. You know, the way I have Hayden.’

The words, spoken so gently and with care, split Theo in half. He can feel each crack as it runs down his being, casting pieces of himself in every direction from the impact. He is happy that Liam is happy, of course he is, but it still fucking hurts to hear it and to have it rubbed in his face. He knows Hayden is Liam’s forever person, has never doubted it for a second outside of those hours in the night when his heart leaps out and lays itself on his sleeve. And he knows Liam is in love with him and cares about him, is racked with guilt and regret that he did not meet Theo first. He knows Liam is just trying to make Theo understand the way things are, and is looking out for him in his own clumsy, idiotic way. But Theo cannot believe that he is hearing these things now, as they lie in the aftermath of sex that has never been just sex, as Theo holds him and all but spells out to him that Theo cannot even contemplate the idea of anyone else. 

Theo pushes down the sadness and hurt that threaten to swallow him whole, and when he opens his mouth to speak the only thing he feels is red hot anger. 

‘Thanks for the concern,’ he bites out. His voice sounds foreign and far away to his ears, a coldness in it that he cannot remember putting there. He lies there a moment before staring at Liam’s ceiling becomes too much and he rolls off the bed, fingers reaching for his clothes. His mind races frantically in his desperation to get out of the house, recalling again and again everything he came over here with because he does not want to come back. Phone, keys - no, no phone, just keys. Okay, keys, shoes, he thinks as he yanks on his t shirt and zips up the fly on his jeans. His heart is in his throat and he feels like throwing up or crying or something. 

‘Theo wait,’ Liam says, but the sound of his voice and the way he’s grabbing his own clothes and following Theo as fast as he can while dressing puts knots in Theo’s stomach.

He reaches the lounge downstairs when Liam catches up to him, dressed only in a t shirt and boxers. 

‘Theo, I didn’t mean it like that.’

Theo whirls around in disbelief. He is so angry he would not be surprised if electricity was crackling off of him in lightening bolts. ‘So how did you mean it?’ he spits.

Liam’s face flickers between nervous and sad and confused and Theo aches to just hold him but he doesn’t. The man he wants to cling to is the one who has just killed him. 

‘I…I care about you. You know I care about you,’ Liam attempts to explain. A flush creeps up his cheeks in his desperation to make Theo understand and the thought briefly crosses Theo’s mind that it’s the same flush as when Liam is about to come. ‘It didn’t come out right, that’s all. I just don’t want you to be lonely after I get married and I can’t hang out with you any more - I can’t stand the thought of you being lonely.’ 

There is so much wrong with what Liam has just said and if Theo really wanted to, he could pick the whole thing apart with footnotes and references, but instead he fixates on one thing and his voice is low and calm and dangerous when he says, ‘Hanging out. Is that what we do now?’

Liam colours instantly. He has never seen Theo angry before and it scares him. He’s pretty sure Theo won’t hit him but there is this energy radiating from him that is so venomous and dark it has Liam wanting to step back and save himself. He bites his lower lip and allows his mouth to form voiceless words in an attempt to say that no, of course they don’t just hang out but Theo knows what he means and he’s sorry for the stupid way he said it but can’t Theo see that all Liam wants is for him to have someone to take his mind off things once Liam is gone? And part of it is selfish because he knows that if Theo becomes unavailable it makes it that much easier for Liam to start moving on and letting go, because if he knows Theo is lying in bed alone at night on the opposite side of the wall he doesn’t know if he will be able to hold himself back. He can already see himself knocking on the front door, begging Theo back if only just for two hours in the night when they can just be themselves, be in love again.

But Liam’s not a poet, he’s an analyst. So all he garbles out is, ‘you know what I mean.’ 

‘Yeah,’ Theo smiles slightly. There is violence and volatility in that smile and Liam has never been this terrified in his life. His heart thrums manically against his chest and his entire body is rigid, waiting. ‘I know exactly what you mean.’

And without another word, Theo turns and leaves. Liam slumps down into a sofa and lets the sweat collect on his skin in panic and hurt and sadness and relief. He did not want it to end this way but at least now it has ended. He sighs and closes his eyes. Mason will be pleased.


	11. But when it heals it beats for you

Liam paces the length of his living room. The movers are due by tomorrow with Hayden’s things and he has spent the whole morning making space and clearing things. He should completely exhausted but instead he’s wired from last night. There is a heavy ache in him that weighs him down. He cannot concentrate. The only time he has ever felt like this before was the last time he tried to break things off with Theo. He hates Theo and is afraid of him. He hates himself and is ashamed. There are so many things he wishes he could have said last night and every time he runs through them he finds himself on the brink of tears because it didn’t have to end this way. 

Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe if they did not go down in flames they would not have gone down at all. The wedding is in six days. 

Liam sits by the window and simply watches the street. There are no thoughts in his head that don’t begin and end with blue-green eyes and rounded shoulders, so he doesn’t bother thinking at all. He wants to apologise to Theo. Ask him to be friends. Maybe they can make it work? He could invite Theo over for dinner and Hayden can make her cheesecake thing because hopefully she’ll stop dieting after the wedding, and he’ll promise to stop trying to set up Theo with randoms from the bar…Yes. Liam’s mind is made up. He is going to apologise to Theo as soon as he can.

‘As soon as he can’ transpires to be in the next ten minutes because he sees Theo cross the street, gorgeous head turning from side to side to check for traffic as he begins to walk over to their row of houses. Like a shot Liam grabs his keys and sprints out of his house. Theo pauses and glances his way at the sound of his footsteps and the look on his face is uncertain, laced with hurt and sadness. There is not a trace of last night’s venom in his beautiful features and it pulls at Liam’s heart. 

‘Theo,’ he begins. But then he realises he can’t say a single word because his throat is closing up so his feet begin to move of their own accord and his arms come up and to his total surprise and relief Theo is meeting him halfway and now Theo’s body is tightly encased in his arms and they’re clutching at each other so hard Liam knows there will be bruises but he doesn’t care. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘I know,’ Theo whispers against his ear, and Liam closes his eyes tightly as he whispers back,

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I know,’ Theo says again.

‘Baby I’m so, so sorry.’

At the affectionate name Theo’s fingers dig into Liam’s back and the last bit of air between them is squeezed out. 

‘I know. I know.’

Liam tilts his head as fingers find his face, like a sunflower to his sun, and almost weeps at the touch of Theo’s lips to his own. He cannot believe he ever considered living his entire life without this. Theo’s kiss is soft and slow and says everything that needs to be said between them. 

‘I don’t want you to date the guy from the bar,’ Liam confesses against Theo’s mouth once he’s pulled the bar-owner into his home. 

‘Good,’ Theo mutters. He works at Liam’s jeans swiftly, choking back a moan when Liam’s palm finds his balls. ‘I don’t want to date the guy from the bar.’

‘I don’t -‘ Liam breaks off with a whimper as Theo rubs their cocks together, ripping at Liam’s shirt. ‘-I don’t want you with anyone else.’

‘I know,’ Theo says in between kisses. He knows he is the one who did the damage last night but Liam is desperate to be held and comforted. His desperation goes beyond forgiveness and repentance; he seeks shelter from everything he knows is impending. He wants to be cradled and laid down gently and rocked. He wants to start all over again and do it right this time. With Theo. 

‘Please,’ Liam whispers. He doesn’t know if Theo will understand what he’s pleading for - he’s not sure he understands it himself - but he keeps repeating it over and over as Theo holds him close and leads him to the bedroom. ‘Please,’ he breathes as Theo strokes his skin and backs him up against the dresser he bought specially for Hayden to sit at every morning before she goes to work. 

‘Please,’ he whispers again and again as Theo crowds him and has him sitting on the desk, before wrapping his legs around Theo’s incredible waist and bracing himself with his hands on the dresser top. He holds himself up, suspended in midair, as Theo slowly pulls him apart with skilled fingers and lips and tongue, and soft moans leak from his lips with every flutter of skin on skin. 

Theo cradles Liam throughout, only pulling away to remove layers of clothing, trying to hush that frantic, unbearably desperate sadness inside the man. Liam keeps pleading with him and even though Theo cannot translate exactly, he knows he is being begged to save Liam from everything that is coming. He knows they have mere hours before they can never do this again and with every plea Liam makes to Theo not to stop, never to let him go, it breaks Theo’s heart that little bit more. He can barely bring himself to look Liam in the eye - normally he cannot stand to look away - he is scared of seeing the sadness in them and recognising it as his own, and so he keeps his eyes shut and kisses Liam with soft, open-mouthed ‘o’s that aren’t really kisses at all. They’re just a way to try to stop Liam pleading with him because if he doesn’t, Theo will cry. 

Theo enters his lover as gently as he can, a thigh in each hand as he holds Liam just off the dresser. Liam has himself braced still and the view of his broad, sugar-dusted chest and intricate muscle has Theo half-hypnotised. It is almost enough to quell the heaviness atop his chest. Almost.   
He pauses for a moment to allow them both to adjust, and in that moment he makes the mistake of looking up and finally seeing those blue eyes. They are clouded and dim. Instead of the eyelids being lowered in lust, they are lowered with regret and Theo cannot help but think that Liam looks like a man sentenced to death. The idea claws at his insides and he has to concentrate to keep it at bay as he begins to thrust, but even around his pleasure, even as he thrusts deep into the man of his dreams, skin slapping with force, the melancholy threatens to choke him. 

Liam watches his lover with focussed eyes determined to remember every little detail. He needs to remember the shape of Theo’s shoulders as they tense with the effort of half holding Liam up, the even whiteness of his perfect teeth biting down on his pink lower lip as he takes in the sight of Liam’s nudity. Liam reaches out a hand, leaving himself suspended and braced on only one arm, and cups Theo’s nape, bringing him closer.

‘Please,’ he whispers again before he kisses Theo deeply. His tongue slips easily into Theo’s mouth and now, as Theo picks up the pace of his hips against Liam, there is barely any contact with Theo’s lips. It’s just their tongues stroking and dancing together amid muted moans and sighs. 

Usually when they have sex, it is electric and desperate. Furious. It’s the height of feeling and spinning out of control and daring to want more than they have ever wanted before. But not this time. This time the pleasure builds around a languid sadness that refuses to let up, pulling them together and pushing them apart no matter how flush they press themselves. This time when Liam wraps his fingers around his cock in time with Theo’s thrusts and orgasm creeps towards him, it is not ecstasy. It is just a parody of every time he has ever made love to Theo Raeken and prayed to the universe to make the world stop, just for a moment. 

Theo comes first, and when he does he sobs softly. There are no tears, because sobs of pleasure are not accompanied by tears - except Liam knows this was not a sob of pleasure. His chest contracts and he holds Theo with both arms to comfort him. When Theo has recovered some, he lifts Liam up and lets him ride the older man’s over sensitive length until the friction of Theo’s sculpted abdomen against his own cock is too much to bear and he spills against that awe-inspiring stomach. 

Somehow Theo finds the strength to lay Liam down on the bed as his orgasm tapers off, and gently separates them even though Liam wishes he wouldn’t. He immediately reaches for Theo and draws him close, eyes screwed shut with need. 

‘Hey,’ Theo says softly. He puts fingers to Liam’s face and traces his cheekbones. He has always loved the panes of Liam’s upper face. ‘Look at me, sweetheart. I wanna see your eyes.’

Liam does look up eventually and Theo finds himself lost in that vivid blue. He forces himself to smile but Liam’s facial expression does not change. He is still frightened and miserable. Theo knows he doesn’t want to get married. If he could, he would tell Liam to call off the wedding, he can live next door to Theo and see him every day and drink for free at the bar whenever he likes and maybe if it’s not too much pressure they could take a drive someplace, like down to the East coast. Shoot the shit, make love, whatever. Whatever Liam wants. He can’t say any of that. Theo is not a vindictive mistress who is going to force his lover to make the ultimate choice. He loves Liam too much for that, and he cannot bear the thought of forcing Liam to do something he doesn’t want to do. There is every possibility that Liam will be ecstatically happy with Hayden and forget that Theo even exists - though even as he thinks it, Theo knows it’s not true. He and Liam were made for each other.

‘Hayden moves in day after tomorrow.’

Theo’s eyes are serious but his face does not change, he is carefully still and somehow that stillness is worse than if he rolled his eyes or scoffed. It breaks Liam that little bit more somehow even though he has been crumbling off in little pieces for the past two weeks so that he can’t seem to find those bits of himself anymore. Theo has always been able to push him beyond his limits. 

Liam sighs. He has the next eighteen hours with Theo at least. He resolves not to count them down and make them run faster so instead he slides a finger along the delicious pink of Theo’s lips and down his chest. God, he misses that chest already. 

‘Wanna make pancakes?’

Theo grins and it makes everything better, for now. It always does. 

 

*****

‘Hey baby,’ Hayden smiles when Liam appears into view. She watches him make his way from the next door to his own, where she is standing. ‘Nice hoody.’ 

Liam glances down and then freezes when he realises what he is wearing. Theo’s ridiculous bubblegum pink hoody with the dumbass blob-person on the chest. Guilt licks his insides at the thought of holding his fiancee while he wears a hoody belonging to someone who is far more important to Liam than he should be, but amidst all that…is a perverse kind of joy. Like he wants Hayden to know about Theo and the way he sets Liam aflame in every single way. He swallows his vague delight with its undercurrent of guilt and faces her.

‘Uh it’s not mine,’ Liam mumbles, plucking at the soft fabric. He tenses when he hugs her, hating that she will be able to smell Theo when she leans into his hoody. It’s that guilt again, mixed with an odd jealousy that wants to keep Theo’s existence only for himself. ‘Theo loaned it to me. You know, the guy that moved in next door? I think you ran into him once.’

‘Oh that was nice of him,’ Hayden says, leading the way into Liam’s house as soon as he gets the door unlocked. ‘Hey, isn’t he Theo like Theo’s Bar?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Huh. He’s really hot, you know.’

‘Excuse me?’ Liam feels a jolt of irritation and jealousy go through him, though he can’t quite figure out in what way. It’s the thought of Hayden finding another man attractive. It’s the thought of how, if Hayden has noticed him, how many countless others have raked their eyes over Theo and imagined him naked. It’s the idea that somehow crosses his mind of Theo and Hayden together, in love. 

‘Is he single?’

‘Yes but you’re not,’ Liam says, indignant. He flushes with annoyance and jealousy, and Hayden laughs at him. 

‘No, as in one of my bridesmaids needs a plus-one for the wedding and he’s exactly her type.’

Liam’s face is aflame. His heart is thudding so hard it’s starting to hurt. Theo. Theo cannot be at his wedding. Theo cannot be within five hundred feet of his wedding, and he most certainly cannot be a plus-one to one of Hayden’s airhead friends. The idea fills Liam with disdain and irritation. He takes a few breaths and counts to ten before he responds. 

‘I don’t know…He’s cool but I don’t think he’s the plus-one type,’ he says, as offhand as he possibly can. His throat is so dry he can’t swallow. 

Hayden is quiet for a moment that stretches on for an eternity, but then she nods. 

‘Yeah, I guess it’d be weird inviting him so last minute.’

The relief that fills Liam’s lungs comes so quickly he feels light-headed.


	12. I could fight but what’s the use

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautifuls,
> 
> Thank you a million times for every hit and comment and kudo and bookmark. 
> 
> What I never told you is that if you remove the embellishments and change the names, the ending, and the circumstance, this story is a true story.   
> Thank you for being there for it.

The time is 10:51am. There are two hours and nine minutes until the ceremony. 

This morning Theo woke up and for a moment he felt okay. His room and everything outside was still and even though he didn’t sleep last night, it’s this restless night that gave him that merciful minute where he forgot just why there’s a heaviness in his chest. In and on, like a small child is sitting on it. It’s when he’s lain there a while, blinking and thinking, that he realises that today is Liam’s wedding day. The happiest day of Liam’s life.

He hasn’t really seen Liam much the last few days since Hayden moved in, just glimpses out the window when the two go by hand in hand, or when they run back and forth with her possessions to get them into his house. Their house. It’s their house now. But that’s okay, the not seeing Liam so much, because it was getting to a point where every time Liam looked into Theo’s eyes, Theo’s heart would convulse and chip and strain at the mourning there. It’s for the best that he has kept his distance. Hell, it’s for the best that Liam is getting married. Hayden is a sweet girl and she loves him in ways Theo will never understand, she can give him things Theo can’t. Besides, Theo has never been one for relationships and commitment, and Liam is obviously very much into that sort of thing and he deserves someone who can handle it. 

He sits at his kitchen table and sighs so heavily he feels deflated and empty afterwards because in the back of his mind he’s wondering what it would be like if Liam didn’t get married. How ridiculous. 

 

****** 

 

'Liam, HURRY THE FUCK UP!' Mason bawls. His newly cut hair hangs out of the window of his car and it's plain to see that he is dressed and ready. The same cannot be said for Liam. 

Kira appears first, walking excruciatingly slowly in her heels, in a geometrically pleasing grey shift dress and make up that makes her glow. She bends down and grins at Mason. 'Well don't you look a picture.' 

Mason rolls his eyes. ‘Is Liam ready yet? Corey's already at the venue with everybody else; we need to get there soon.' 

Kira shrugs and glances at her apartment building, where Liam spent the morning getting ready. ‘Mase, there are like, three hours left - chill.' 

'One hour forty-five, actually. It's gonna take us half an hour to get across town, at least twenty for Mr Prima Donna to "juj" his hair and then fifteen to calm down Hayden and tell her she looks beautiful enough to get her ass down the aisle. So in reality, we only have forty minutes - if we're lucky.’

That’s not the only reason why Mason is in such a rush. He needs to get Liam to the church and down that goddamned aisle as soon as he can and eliminate the possibility of Liam running out on everybody in favour of a particular muscular bar-owner. Mason has been having nightmares about it the last few nights - once he dreamt that Liam wore the wedding dress and then screamed as he tore it off, running out of the church and throwing bits of tulle and ribbon at the pastor. He cannot wait until this wedding is over. 

When Liam eventually approaches, wearing his fancy tux and a shy smile as Mason and Kira wolf-whistle, Mason feels a slow relief fill him. It is clear from the soft light in his best friend’s eyes that today is the happiest day of his life and that he is doing the right thing. He looks totally at home in his tux, albeit a little nervous, and he high-fives Mason’s hand when he slides into the passenger seat. 

‘How you feeling, Mr Bridegroom?’ Mason grins. It’s a little forced because he is still anxious. He has seen for himself the effect Theo has on his friend. 

‘Ready and willing,’ Liam replies, only half seriously. Then he smiles and capitulates. ‘I’m good. Excited. Let’s fuckin’ do this.’

‘Fuckin A!’ Kira crows from the backseat, and Mason guns the engine as they set off, as though they are not riding in a dented old Toyota. 

They blast music all the way there and Liam laughs when Kira sings along and adds her own ‘ooo’s and ‘aahh’s to every song in playlist. He should probably feel worse than this - he would have thought it would be a combination of every awful feeling and sense of dread he’s experienced in the past month but oddly enough, he doesn’t. He feels strangely calm and in control. In a surreal way he doesn’t feel like anything is happening - like it’s somebody else’s wedding and Theo will be waiting on his doorstep when he gets home, ready to be regaled and fucked to within an inch of his life. 

The thought of Theo, as it hits, makes something flicker inside him, but not for long. Nothing is real, after all. 

He nods when they get to the church, humming in satisfaction. Yep, today is the best day of his life. 

 

********** 

 

Theo lies on the floor, on his back.

The time now is 1:45pm. 

The ceremony is due to begin any minute now. Hayden probably looks beautiful; she always looks beautiful. The thought doesn’t make him jealous or sad, he’s never been envious of her. They are two completely different people and he is mature enough to understand that what drew Liam to Hayden is completely different to what draws Liam to Theo.

The bar-owner wonders idly if he should go to the gym, but it’s only a vague wondering because he know he is going to go - he goes every day without fail, except for those Saturdays when Liam is entwined with him in bed or on the sofa, looking at him with those electric eyes and daring him to go anywhere. But, Theo supposes, there won’t be Saturdays like that anymore. It’s for the best. 

He grabs his gym bag and changes into his workout clothes, barely remembering to grab his keys as he leaves. 

 

******** 

The seats are full up in the church, Liam can see them from his position at the altar. He stands there with his hands clasped, like they told him to, and the photographer that costs way too much is snapping pictures of him as he stands and talks quietly with Mason. Everyone is here, and it's unfortunate because Liam has always had a major case of stage fright. His parents are to his right, smiling and talking and nodding encouragingly at him whenever he catches their eye, and Hayden’s mother is to his left. Hayden’s father is not in sight yet, he’s still in the bridal suite with Hayden, waiting. 

‘Got the rings?’ Liam asks for the third time.

‘No I pawned them between here and the lawn, which is where you asked me last about thirteen minutes ago,’ Mason replies, but he’s not annoyed. He knows when it’s his time he will be just as nervous. 

‘I liked your last answer better,’ Liam says, offhand, and Mason chokes back a laugh. Last time he said ‘no I melted them down to make a tiny gold butt plug’. 

The pastor suddenly tells them all to rise for the bride, and the elegant piano music begins. They decided against the wedding march because it was too austere and formal for them, and Liam is happy with the choice they’ve made. His heart picks up speed in his chest as he directs his gaze to the entry doors and then when he sees her for the first time, everything slows and calms down. It’s Hayden. His best friend in the whole world.

A slow, loving smile spreads across Liam’s face as he watches his bride float down the aisle with total grace. She looks like a princess and he cannot wait to marry her.

 

 

******

Theo’s feet pound against the treadmill as he runs, sweat trickling down his back and chest. He wipes the beads on his forehead to keep them out of his eyes and lets himself pant unselfconsciously. He’s not here to impress anyone anyway. A girl walks by and smirks at him, eyes travelling down his glistening form and he enjoys it for a moment. He’s always been a slut for attention.

As he lifts weights a little while later, slowly building up the amount he lifts with his arms and then squats with his legs and ass and back, he feels better. He feels calmer and more in control and more like himself. Liam. Liam Dunbar was just a phase, he can see that now - the tears in his muscles as he lifts give him a stoic kind of clarity and he knows without a doubt that he will get over Liam with no problem whatsoever. All he needs is time and a distraction…

He wonders about Jackson from the bar. Man, he is hot as shit. He’s been at the bar the last few nights and Theo cannot help wondering if it’s because of him. Ego tells him it is, and so does the look on Jackson’s face whenever Theo catches him looking. But every time he meets that gaze, it’s not the same. It doesn’t sear him. When he looks at Jackson’s irises, as nice a blue as they are, they’re not arresting. They don’t mesmerise him and hold him captive. He doesn’t drown in them and beg that no one throws him a life jacket because dying in this pool would be just about the best fucking way to go. 

And Jackson is clearly ripped. He holds himself like a man who knows precisely how sexy he is - much like Theo - and Theo quite likes looking at Jackson’s muscled, slim frame, especially when he’s in a baseball t shirt. The lines of the sleeves and chest outline his body perfectly and when the light hits just right Theo can sometimes make out nipple.   
But as nice as his 5”10 is, and as much as he takes care of his physique, it isn’t enough. Theo doesn’t even have a thing for short or stocky guys, or even chest hair, but all he can think when he looks at Jackson is that he is not as beautiful as the man whose broad, muscled, sugared chest Theo has teased and lain across night after night. 

It’s fine. Theo just needs time. He needs some time and some distance, and once enough of that has passed he’ll be okay. He’ll get over it. One day, he figures, he’ll wake up and wonder what the hell he even wanted with a guy like Liam Dunbar in the first place.

It is with this consolatory thought that Theo showers and goes home. He fixes himself a banana-peanut butter sandwich and protein shake and sits in front of his TV, scrolling for two hours on Netflix before choosing what to watch. He selects a horror movie, then stops it because the main guy has blue eyes.  
He selects a comedy he’s seen before, but stops it because the opening scene is a wedding. Finally he watches an episode of Friends before he has to stop it because Rachel walks into the coffee house in a white dress and veil. So he turns it all off and calls Scott to come over and shoot the shit. 

When Scott comes it’s a welcome distraction. None of Theo’s friends know about Liam and so Scott witters away about his vet practice and this girl he’s been seeing and whether Theo wants to be introduced to her friend. When Scott eventually leaves, having eaten dinner with Theo and watched two movies, it’s a welcome relief: Theo cannot shake the thought that the last person who lay with him on the couch like this is the one person he wants most in the world, and the one person he can’t have. 

 

About ten minutes after Scott leaves Theo rolls his eyes at the knock on his door.

‘You’re an asshole, McCall,’ Theo says cheerily as he opens it. ‘What did you forget…?’

The words die in his throat at the sight before him. Liam is standing there in his wedding tux, bow tie hanging loose around an unbuttoned collar. His hair is a little mussed and he’s looking at Theo with clouded eyes. He looks so beautiful. It puts a hand to Theo’s throat that squeezes. 

‘Hey,’ he says. He feels like this is the cruelest, sickest joke anyone could play on him. 

‘Hey, how’s it going?’

Theo says nothing, simply stares. Liam is standing on his doorstep in his wedding tux, on his wedding night, asking him how it’s going. It is all so surreal. 

‘You wanna come in?’ he asks, stepping aside. His entire body shudders with the desire to touch the man before him - a hand to his shoulder, fingers to his arm - but he doesn’t. He has no idea what is happening right now. 

Liam nods and comes in, then just stands there in the lounge, watching the room. Theo stands just behind him. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands and cannot even begin to think of what to say. He doesn’t know if he should congratulate Liam or ask him what’s wrong. If Liam asks to borrow a condom Theo might punch him. He takes a measured breath, stands awkwardly with his hands on his hips and asks,

‘So…where’s Hayden?’

The reply comes slowly and after a pause. ’The church still, probably. Or her parents’ house. I don’t know.’

‘First day married and you lose the wife already,’ Theo attempts to joke. It sounds false and forced and he instantly regrets saying anything. 

Liam doesn’t respond, just takes his hands out of pockets and runs one through his hair. Then he turns and finally looks Theo in the eye. His gaze is grave and steady. 

‘I didn’t get married.’

 

The time is 10:56pm.


End file.
